Court. in Since OD is shutting down....

We did breakfast and I ran my errand. It’s warm and sunny today. I got more soda and we stopped at the gas station. My daughter had her bath this morning so we don’t have to do it later.

His court date was at 8:30. He could be there and waiting. I would really like to know just what the fuck is going on. I keep checking warrants and inmates and his name isn’t listen in either one. He said that either he’s to pay or he will be arrested today. I would like for him to either pay or get locked up. This shit has seriously gone on long enough and I’d really love to see something done today.

The bullshit of him willing to buy Christmas presents but not make a payment is just another form of abuse. He won’t get her anything she actually needs so I’m still spending my money to make sure she has her needs met. It’s not exactly fair that he can’t help with clothes, shoes, sock and underwear which means I have to. I love how this guy has made absolutely sure that I’m constantly left with everything. The feeling of being abused is what makes it hard.

He just wants to keep abusing me and I just pray to God that someday it’s going to end. There’s plenty I don’t get to have say in and that doesn’t seem to matter to anyone. I’m also tired of how everyone acts like no matter what he does it shouldn’t be a big deal. My brother still tries to defend him or make excuses but I know damn well if this was him dealing with all this he’d lose his fucking mind. I don’t know how to be okay with my situation because I wanted better for my daughter.

It’s like even if he would have started paying over the Summer, I wouldn’t have had to apply for TANF. I would have to just had the money to pay someone to watch her and I could have been working. Everyone acts like I should be doing it all on my own and never expect a fucking thing. Well, he’s gotten away with this for so long that people should talk about that too. My daughter has 2 parents that should be responsible for her but I’ve done it by myself since I found out I was pregnant. It doesn’t matter that he abandoned me while I was pregnant, didn’t help buy 1 baby item and has still gotten off scot fucking free!

My brother has said several times that he doesn’t think the amount he’s to pay is fair. Well, he doesn’t pay anything at all! Even when it was a more affordable amount, I was still completely on my own. I paid thousands for childcare every single year to work, not to do anything fun but to provide for my child while this guy got to live care free. I think at this point the amount is irrelevant considering he doesn’t even try to make a $5 payment. He’s paid nothing for 5 months again and before that was 2 fucking years.

I don’t think it’s fair that I get left with all the responsibility and he can’t even help financially. He’s lived for free his whole life and has never had to worry about taking care of his kid. He’s an overgrown man child. I’m just so frustrated how all of this is okay with everyone. They’re okay with it because it isn’t them or their reality. If this was my brother stuck in an apartment and driving an old ass car, I could only imagine how he would be. I remember him telling me that basically BD is going to be stuck in an apartment because of CS and it’s like okay well it’s been good enough for me and my kid all along! This motherfucker has never paid bills or had a car to worry about and makes sure he doesn’t take care of his child either! Just how easy should his life be?!?!?

The landlord is coming in 2 weeks so I decided to shampoo carpets yesterday and they look a lot better. I also cleaned out the bathtub and the walls. I want to get all the deep cleaning come so all I have to worry about is having things picked up, sweeping, mopping, and a quick vacuum. I hate that I have to go through this but it is what it is for now. I’m just grateful we do have a home but I want a nicer one at some point too.