Sugar Is A Harsh Mistress in Hello

Normally I’d drink at night.
Now when nighttime hits, usually after ten, I’m craving sweets. Lately it’s been chocolate. I’m disgusted with myself. Just the other night I polished off a king sized Reese’s and a Hershey bar. Four cups and a chocolate bar. In one sitting. Who cares, it was good!

It’s 12:58 AM and I’m wrapped up nice and warm in my blanket. Tonight was the Christmas parade. While not too cold in temperature the wind was murder. I was freezing my ass off when ma and I left. We ended up getting Chinese take out instead of cooking. Sitting an hour and a half in that wind took whatever will I had to cook right out of me. Hence my cocoon like state in my blanket.

There was no outpatient today or for Wednesday. The counselor went out of town and apparently the other counselor is so horrible at her job it’ll make you want to relapse. So Bene said I’d we missed Tuesday and Wednesday it wouldn’t count as unexcused which is good because I have to chauffeur mom to the doctor in seven hours. I’ve finished all the Christmas shopping for her as her for me. Though I did make one final request, more razor cartridges for my Mach 3. Since shaving my head regularly I go through one cartridge a month.

I’m still smoking like a freight train. Making up for lost time as I call it. Lol

My next court date is December 15th then the 28th is my next Vivitrol shot. Those hurt for days after and leave a good sized knot under my skin. I mean I guess it’s good to curb alcohol cravings but when I can’t get comfortable to sleep then I get cranky. Speaking of no sleep and cranky I got a variety box of oatmeal earlier today. I started eating that in rehab as a big breakfast makes me nauseous. Small bowl or small portions and I’m set.

Anyways, I’m going to try and sleep.

After one last smoke. 🚬🚬🚬