Mounting Gone Wrong in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

Last night, I went to the 8th anniversary of Luka, a super trendy restaurant in the fancy part of town. The owner invited me and I was very surprised Bane didn’t show up. Bane has been vying for attention from him for the last year, in fact, the night Bane and I met is the same night I met Steven. I couldn’t figure out where I knew Steven from, but we ended up singing a song together on the boat going down the river. It wasn’t until months later that I realized I knew him as an actor, mostly because he had just been in Ark’s series that was released in Singapore, but also he was in one of my favorite queer indie movies from the 2000s.

That is a man who has aged particularly well.

I ended up running into Sawyer there, who got very cross-faded. I don’t even smoke weed but even I know not to do that. Sawyer’s very interesting mainly because I feel like I’ve known him for quite a while even though we don’t even know basic things about ourselves. At one point we were talking to this German gal, she was obnoxious, and she said that she assumed we were both American. He and I looked at each other because we both realized we weren’t sure of that ourselves. Turns out he’s from Michigan which almost turned into a whole different conversation, but then that German girl made us focus on her and whatever the hell she was saying.

The food was spectacular and, in an ironic twist, he had imported beer from Laos… which I was surprised to find was my favorite part about visiting Laos. I’m not a big beer person, but the beer there is wonderful - I spent almost every day in Vientiane day-drunk with all the old Australian expats who literally looked like reanimated corpses and who kept insisting that Bon Jovi’s “Living On A Prayer” came out in 2002.

After Luka, I went to Deyn’s gallery. He had been messaging me all week because he had some kind of high-art programming going on for Bangkok Galleries Night.

In an amusing aside, Sawyer’s friend broke the giant penis made out of disco balls when she tried to ride it. Actually, the word she used was “mount”. I honestly don’t know what she was thinking. I was actually with her whole group at Luka when she asked Miles whether or not she could “mount” the mirrorball penis. Now, English is not Miles’ first language, and this girl talks with such a muddled accent that she could be from anywhere except New Jersey. But who walks up six flights of stairs, finds a giant, eight-foot-long penis-shaped mirrorball suspended from the ceiling by thin cables and says to themselves, “That looks like it’s meant to be ridden and it will surely support my weight”.

Seriously, what the fuck, dumb-ass.

It was a fun night but way too long and with too many people around. I couldn’t handle it. But I was only out because I was celebrating - that afternoon I had gotten the keys to my office.