Going Through The Motions in Current Events

I woke up feeling pretty jaded today. Yesterday as well. I have 99 problems but I got to study. That’s the vibe.

What goes around comes around. As the old saying goes. In real life I have a lot of pep in my step. I greet everybody at work in the morning. I’m so glad that it comes back to me when I don’t have it in me to be that guy. It helps lift my spirits up when I need it to get through the day.

My teacher finally returned more of our tests and assignments. I’m not failing the class by a lot but I could do better. That’s the bitter truth. Wish I didn’t have self-awareness so I could play the role I was born for… the victim.

Hey Tom I can smell your dirty nuts! Marcello joked while I was eating my nuts.
Then wipe your chin! I clapped back. I was mortified because I keep it PG-13 at work but oops. It was funny. I spent the last break hanging the team yesterday. It’s really starting to sink in that my contract is running up. I like these guys. I like this store and the feeling is mutual. We shall see what happens.

It feels like I can’t catch a break. Meanwhile, this time next year I will be trying to make university happen. I don’t have mommy and daddy to help me out. It’s going to be rough. I will literally have 99 problems but will have to study. It’s like this instability that has been my life is preparing me for 8 years of it while I go to school. I literally could use a sugar daddy.

That customer who comes by my work that is loud and talks about politics and whatever else choose me yesterday. Last time I sent him on his way with terrain theory. He’s old and out of touch and doesn’t understand that the ecology of information has changed but he is trying to inform himself now. I just gave him breadcrumbs. He was blown away by what he learned and he made a lot of lifestyle changes off the bat. His wife wants to meet me. Now that he understands that we don’t catch disease, we create it, he was asking me for advice on how to detox his entire body. We don’t need customers taking medical advice from me, I told him to find a naturopath. I gave him a few more breadcrumbs. Coffee enemas being the big one. It was embarrassing to talk about that with him while he is loud lol. Whatever. He just needs to use his own discernment.

Emotions have mass. That’s my theory. Anxiety is havoc on my gut these days. I am basically force feeding myself. I don’t even feel anxious, it’s all suppressed but it has mass and it is being toxic to my body.

I need some solid time to reflect. To react. I need to restructure my priorities. Make a plan. Get things sorted out. All I want to do though when I get free time is sleep.

I felt like I had something I really wanted to write about. It’s all gone after I got flustered at the mall on my way home. I was thinking about how I miss that gorgeous specimen of male goodness from my previous store who did asset protection. He was at the mall and I have never said a word to him in my life but he recognized me and said hello. I got too choked up to say hi back which is for the best because I don’t know how I could possibly do that without climbing onto his face. Like… it’s just physics.

I am about to take a nap. Then the rest of the night I am studying. I want to go to the gym but I mustn’t. It’s not the priority for I have a test tomorrow. Speaking of test, good news everyone! My IQ test came back negative.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to expect from that acupuncture appointment I had. We worked on my shoulder and I really do seem to have some relief. That constant throbbing is gone, for now. I have more mobility. I might even be able to swim with it. Just a few more appointments of it, she said. I will definitely book that. I feel like once I hit the gym it will all go downhill again. We shall see.