Monday morning. in Since OD is shutting down....

My brother came and we took my kid to school. I said bye to her as I saw adults coming onto the playground. I usually stay until the bell rings and walk with her until she goes inside but my brother had to get going to work so I wasn’t able to do that today. I called my thing and let them know about my car. She said for me to just keep her updated. I’m annoyed that nothing was said about the repair bill because they help with that but I’ll call back as soon as I know what it’s going to cost and see if they can help.

I’m really bored sitting here. I’ve had my kid for 9 days and now I don’t know what to do with myself. I hate being alone in my head all day long. I just miss my car and be able to live a normal life. It almost makes me angry that my car runs my life. I definitely just want to be living again. I don’t even have quarters to get laundry done. Hopefully they’ll call today and I won’t have to wait anymore.

I’m just upset that every time I turn around, there’s another set back. Whether it’s lack of support/help, childcare issues, or car problems. I’m tired of having no real outlet. I’ve had so many barriers over the years and it starts to weigh on me. It’s hard to just accept everything but I do.

It’s nice that my brother has actually been helpful because normally he’s not. I’m actually pretty surprised. I appreciate it a lot.

I just wish my brother would stop talking to him. There’s no reason to keep entertaining bullshit. The guy doesn’t want to be active in her life or do anything towards helping raise her so I would be super grateful if he would just drop off. I think until he’s in a place where he could actually see her on a regular basis, I don’t want him just breezing in to hand her a bunch of excuses for being absent. That’s not helping anything. Just go away. He’s a very selfish person that’s not capable of taking her feelings into consideration.

When things get hard, I don’t get the option to just check out. I’d maybe be a little more understanding if the guy has been working but he’s had another 3 months of sitting around doing nothing. He’s absent simply because of selfishness. It’s not like he’s trying to get his life straightened out so he’s in a place to be a parent. He just wants to fill everyone with excuses to buy himself more time to live his best life.

I just don’t like feeling that he’s just out to manipulate whoever he has to so he can have his own way. He just wants to make sure that there’s always an open door so he can keep rolling it over and never be there. It’s not about him wanting or trying to have a relationship with his child, it’s more about hurting me and feeling that he’s always got the upper hand. He doesn’t care that he’s missing out on her life but just wants to make sure that there’s always that open door.

My brother is still not comfortable with the amount DB is supposed to pay and I remind him that he didn’t pay it when it was a small amount either. I could have modified the CS 3 years ago and I didn’t. He got an extra 3 years with it being a more affordable amount and still made no effort to pay it. My brother has asked in a round about way if I’ll ever lower it and I said yeah if he were to pay for awhile but he hasn’t paid anything in 5 months again. This dude has gotten nothing but a free pass all along. Up until he went to jail back in October, there hasn’t been any real consequences for him.