09.10.13 in Your Face

Plenty of mini-meltdowns today. Mostly because I'm still coming off cigarettes.

Had an exam this afternoon. Felt like I did okay in part 1, did pretty well in part 2. Got home early because exams finished earlier than work does.

Still very despairing as each day passes and I am still here. I need to ask M to send me some stuff with his address on it, like his phone bill. I think it's important to maintain regular contact with the consulate so my file stays up to date.

They have hired a new secretary and receptionist at my job, That makes me feel shitty because I was enjoying working on the reception desk and away from the new me (who has clearly demonstrated that she is unable to follow instruction or have an independent thought). I can't be picky, though, I can stay there until I leave which is good. I realise that I could have kept my mouth shut and only given a few weeks' notice, but I don't think that's the right thing to do.

(And it's a fucking good thing, given the new me is failing to improve her skills - seriously, 3 or 4 weeks in she just stopped dead. She is basically useless at this point - I am still doing everything.)

Whatever. Like I said, I am very grouchy tonight.

I stayed within my $20 budget today. I made bad choices with my purchases, but I thought more about my options and ways I could really make it work. I think I will put my change in a jar at the end of each day and I can use that money if I need to make a larger purchase, like a case of Coke cans (usually 2 x 24 packs for $33 - I can almost hear my US readers having a stroke at the outrageous price! Welcome to Australia ... )

I just really want to make this work. I am tired of feeling like a fuck up. Tired of fucking up, I guess. I also tend to get all crazy like this when M and I are apart, so it would be nice if, the next time we talk, I can say OH I've quit smoking BTW &&& I've got, like, heaps of money saved. DOING FINE. ps you are an asshole.

Ya know?

So we're shooting towards another weekend. Another exam tomorrow morning, so tomorrow will fly. I'm still a loose end on weekends, but I am very tired lately and just want to rest. I need to make a doctors appointment to have some rather worrying symptoms checked out. I am concerned that I have diabetes or a kidney problem, so we can probably rest assured that I am a panic merchant and have neither of those. I should call and arrange an appointment - I am already taking 10 hours out of the office this week for my exams, so I'll have to make up some time if I want to be out again for an appointment.