Memories in 2023 the year I recover

While on my walk today I was thinking about some memories. Not very many. Some may be a little tmi, so be aware.

A few months ago when I was deep within the thralls of the ex boyfriend we were out driving around. He decided he wanted a bj. Ok whatever. I wasn’t happy with him, as was normal that go around. I was so tired of it always being about him getting what he wanted and paying no mind to what I wanted. So we went and I did it. However every time I would give him a bj I would swallow. That time was different. That time I spit it out. That made him so mad.

We went to the river a couple times and I enjoyed it but my heart wasn’t into him. He wanted us to be all close and lovey. I sort of indulged. Saying yeah we were good and I wanted to be with him. That day he wasn’t being a complete ass. But that didn’t last long.

Why did I put up with so much from him? I know that time with him has affected me in a negative way. He drilled it into my head that no one else would ever want to be with me, especially for that long. I’ve got news for him… the one I write about in my other book is going to stick around for a while.