Thursday. in Since OD is shutting down....

We went to the family breakfast this morning. It was pretty fun and my daughter really likes that we go together. She has her after school program today and I plan to get her kind of early. She told me last night how she doesn’t have any friends. I told her to just play with the adults and ask people if they want to play with her. She said something about maybe offering stuff to kids and I told her we don’t have to give people stuff for them to be nice.

I honestly believe that with having an absent Dad, she’s trying so hard to fill that void somewhere else and it’s not working. I want her to understand that it’s okay to play by yourself some and I’ve told her that not everyone is going to like her and she herself isn’t always going to like everyone either and that’s totally fine.

This has bothered me a great deal today. I just wish there was something I could do to make this better for her. I feel awful that we don’t have kids for her to play with outside of school. I know that would be a big help. I’m going to try and get her into counseling and help her work through some stuff. She doesn’t ever say much about her Dad other than she wants me to find her one but I do worry that it bothers her a lot that he’s not around and she doesn’t talk about it.

I was able to get my shit done early and now I’m just enjoying my iced coffee and thinking about everything. After next week, we have a week off so I’m thinking about how we are going to stay busy.

I wish there was a way to talk to her Dad and actually get through to him. I know that I could unblock him and send a message but everything would be all my fault because I don’t allow him to check in and out like he wants. There’s no point in wasting my energy. I would just end up super pissed off and get no where anyway. He’s just a really crazy person and there’s no effective communication with him and that’s why I leave it alone.

It’s sad that he cares more about drinking and sleeping around then what he’s left behind. My daughter is definitely going through it and all I can do is love her and listen when she’s venting. I know that I’m the absolute best Mom I can be and give her 100% every single day but I know that I’m not enough. She longs for a Dad. I know that this is probably harder on her than I realize and there’s nothing I can do.