Sleepy-eyed John in Questions

I’m doing alright man.
I haven’t been on here in a bit. I’ve been too busy with work…and I’m in the process of writing a book, so that is where all of my writing energy has gone to as of late.

The book isn’t anything super exciting…just kind of the story of how I pulled myself out of the trenches…from being some psychotic episode having maniac to where I am now…holding it down, four kids, a full time job, making enough money to live in Southern California without constantly worrying about money…it’s not like I have some great life to look up to or anything, but compared to where I was ten years ago, I’m living a waking dream. I guess if I can share my story and it inspires someone else to get their shit together, then that’s why I’m writing the book.

I feel kind of dumb writing it though, like who the hell am I to give anyone advice?

Other than that…let’s see…

My brother took his own life a couple of months ago. It was pretty difficult. It’s still pretty difficult.

I stopped drinking, I think that my brother’s death definitely had something to do with it.

I did a bunch of ketamine about it…which was nice. I think it helped me process a bunch of the feelings and thoughts that I have about it that I can’t seem to acknowledge. Dissociating definitely put me in a space where I was able to deal with the heavier things…without having heavy emotions tied to it.

Let’s see…

Shortly after my brother’s death, my company laid off half of the employees, including my entire team (except for me…being the manager and all), so for a month or so I was the only person in my entire department, which was pretty stressful. I dunno…apparently going through layoffs is a major stressor in life. I can see it. But we have started rebuilding my team out of India, because it’s way more affordable. So now I have one member on my team, and we are going to be hiring more, but managing a team that is 12 1/2 hours ahead of me has its own challenges for sure.

Ummm....after that my grandma died.

I did some more ketamine about that.

Shortly before my grandma died I saw my best friend’s mom for the last time. She’s dying as well…I don’t know if I’ll have to do any ketamine about that because I’ve been processing her death along with my brother and grandma’s…she’s been dying slowly.

I dunno, it’s all pretty fucked up

My friend and I made a song about it though:

https://soundcloud.com/user-818831303/redemption-final-vox?si=ef4cfce9a7be41b6ba09e515ead5b08c&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

So yeah, that’s about what’s been going on with me.

I have to run though, I have to go down to the older kids’ school for their end of the year party, but I’ll read some and catch up on your life when I get back. I hope all is well with you.

Much love to you.

Thanks for checking in on me.

-Dane