It has been a while in Each Day

I meant to write. I’ve had a weird paralysis about writing. It started when I was home, I get annoyed always having to explain relationships assuming that a new reader is reading, I need to stop writing for an audience and resume writing for me.
Anyway, There was very little fall out from that very difficult conversation when I was home. We even kept talking about things over the course of the week, and not once did it result in harsh words.
Monday I had brunch with Bird Guy and then we went to an antique store that was actually right around the corner. He still (will always) make me feel things, and when I told him I wanted a one second with him, he leaned over my shoulder so his head was next to mine and I sputtered out a disjointed sentence and we laughed. I’m such a dork.
I spent the afternoon with the Odd Lady. We ate some lunch, collected supplies and dyed my hair that afternoon.
I also saw Ally, we went to my favourite restaurant and walked around the waterfront park until the rain came.
It was really nice to be home. Over the course of the trip I fixed the magpie stained glass that Valentino broke. I helped mom around the house. I got to spend some time at my sister’s, and we even had a lovely evening with a member of Dad’s side of the family. She was funny and so much like me it was uncanny.

Since I’ve been home it’s been life as usual. Lately that consists of 3 hour work shifts because we’re still dealing with untenable temperatures in the office. Supposedly tomorrow we’re back to normal, but I don’t believe it, yet.
We did have some time off around our Anniversary (we decided this year we’re going to stop talking about Thanksgiving, because it’s a lie we were told as kids, so our anniversary is a much better reason to celebrate. Red and her dude had the reception for their wedding (which was in December), and M and I got a hotel room right next door, so it was really great to help set up, get ready, and have somewhere for M to go when he needed to tap out of the social. The festivities ended sooner than we expected, and we were banging by midnight.

M is still struggling. He’s still suffering the nerve damage. He hates that he’s still on meds, and his doc recently echoed this, but they don’t have a better solution. They’re trying some other things, but so far no relief for M.
He’s been studying for his trade exams, and he’s passed everything so far. He’s off to do practicals in a week from tomorrow, so I’ll be on my own for that week. Gonna be a weird time.
He’ll be going back to therapy when he gets back, early November. His mood has become increasingly unstable. I can’t help but feel like he’s depressed. Even if he’s not clinically depressed, He’s had a lot of shit flung in his general direction and that takes a toll on a person. Today has been pretty crap because he’s been mood swinging all over.

My therapy has been going well. I’ve seen her twice since the trip home in September. I told her all about the conversation with mom and she was blown away. When I saw her this week I asked her what I could do to protect myself from M’s moods, and after we talked about what I’m doing already she said that I’m doing everything “right”, and that she’s really impressed with how I’ve handled things lately. We talked again about how to go forward and I reiterated that my diagnosis said I needed therapy to get my self talk in line with my actual thoughts. It’s nice to be getting positive reinforcement.
But the one thing we agreed on was that I need to write more. I’m not processing shit because i’m not writing about it.

In entirely different news, I may have mentioned earlier that my plants got thrips. They’re a fuck of a pest, and every single plant got evicted over the summer to try to deal with them. It has taken me SINCE SEPTEMBER 25th to get all my plants back inside. I finally brought the last one in yesterday.
Today I found thrips on a cutting. I’m so fed up. I don’t want to lose any plants, but fuck I cannot be bothered to fight these little shits. I am going to get some beneficial mites and see how that goes…
Anyway, hi. Hopefully I’ll be more consistent in the future.