Better morning. in Since OD is shutting down....

Last night was pretty decent. I did take her in and have her ears checked and there’s an ear infection on her right side. I am so glad I got her seen so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it. We stopped by my brother’s house so the kids could get some candy around his house. My niece was of course being a little brat and her Mother was standing there talking about how my niece just hates little kids. She was really cold and weird while we were there and I was super glad there wasn’t a plan for us to go trick or treating together. My daughter and I went downtown where she had a good time getting candy and then I lost the car for a few minutes but then my daughter told me to hit the panic button on my key fob and we were right on the same block so that was good. She was so proud of herself for telling me to hit the panic button for us to find the car. It was cute.

We then went to another part of town where I just let her out of the car and watched her go up the door to get candy. She did that a few times and then told me she was tired and hungry so we stopped and got her antibiotic and then got her a couple of cheeseburgers. Her DB messaged my brother about taking her trick or treating and I just said, “it must suck to suck” and then we got in the car and left. I’m annoyed that my brother’s girlfriend is always more worried about her own family and that’s why my kid is always on the back burner. It was super rude of her to talk about how much my niece hates little kids. It’s like yeah I know and that’s why we don’t come around too often.

I don’t know why everyone has to be so mean about my daughter or myself but that’s why we spend so much time just hanging out and not trying to be around other people. My niece and her mother have never really liked me or my child and I’m just tired of putting up with the disrespect. I just want to understand what the fuck we’ve done so wrong to anyone. I just think it’s bullshit that not only does my kid have an ear infection and her Dad is a fucking loser, but then I have to hear about how much she’s hated too. Awesome.

But yeah, I had a better morning. I got my kid to school and then went to my thing for awhile. My caseworker tells me that she’s quitting and won’t be there after next week. I’m pretty upset about it because I really like her but such is life. I find it to be motivational to getting myself out of there too. We are in a different room now which is better I think because it’s bigger and everyone gets a laptop.

I’m going to leave in about an hour to interview and then I have to go get an estimate on tires because mine are super weather cracked and a couple are kind of bald. I need to get some groceries and do laundry. I have mopped and cleaned up the living room. I feel like there’s just way too much shit to do today but like I need to get stuff done. The weather is a lot better today so I feel more motivated to do shit.

Really hoping I’m going to get this job because I just worry about trying to work somewhere that I could potentially not only be on my feet the whole time but standing in one spot. I still can’t do it. I feel like I’m going to throw up or pass out. I can’t believe how fucking painful standing in one spot really is.

I go Wednesday morning at 9 for my follow up to the MRI. I wish that I already knew what they were going to say and why do I need to actually go there. I know that it’s probably not better and in fact, worse. I’m still hurting everyday and things are still very painful so I doubt they are going to tell me that my back is better.

But yeah, I’m still wondering why my brother’s girlfriend thinks it’s okay to just be hurtful. Like my daughter and I don’t deal with enough on a daily fucking basis. Like I don’t know how you could say something like that and not realize that it’s hurtful. I am so tired of hearing how much we’re hated that I could scream. I feel like we just put up with abuse or disrespect when we are around other people and that’s why I don’t go out of my way for us to hang around with anyone. I know we get bored hanging out at home but we don’t need to be around toxic ass people either.

So I got the tire estimate done, cleaned out my car, and then went to that interview. I got a text a while later saying they don’t have any openings for my availability. I was pretty much expecting that but I will not be wasting any more time or gas going to interviews unless I make sure they are able to work with my schedule. I’m currently getting laundry done and going to get my kid once I have it back inside. The school nurse called saying she was complaining of ear pain and then was going to give her some Tylenol. My daughter asked to stay home today but she just bounces off the walls being home and I know that she won’t rest so she might as well be at school. She didn’t have a fever and wasn’t throwing up so I didn’t see the need for a sick day.

I’m planning on scheduling that orientation because I have nothing else going on. I just want to understand how it’s so hard to find a fucking job within school hours. I know that I’m not the only person in this predicament and it’s really sad that so many places are hurting for people but they aren’t willing to work with your availability. I’m not going to dump my kid in an orphanage so I can work! Like holy fuck!