Samhain in Craftwork

I performed my first solo ritual tonight. I waited until after 7:38 so that the moon would be risen. The sky was cloudy, but I don’t need to see Her to know She’s there.
While it feels deadly serious in my heart, I gave it a little levity by using the evocation from The Craft. With minor modifications.
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the East. Powers of air and invention. Hear me!
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the South. Powers of fire and feeling. Hear me!
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the west. Powers of water and intuition. Hear me!
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the North. By the powers of Mother and Earth. Hear me!
Join me in my practice on this Samhain eve.
I had a candle (scented vanilla, which reminds me of my Dad), a leaf from my garden , an aenemone shell I found at the beach here, and a feather from a yellow flicker in our neighbourhood, all representing the elements.
I then realized that I had totally forgotten what I had planned to do next. I need to keep better notes.
I used to straight up talk to My Goddess. No calling corners, no candles, no ritual. Just Her and my words. I used to walk everywhere, and whenever I saw one of those little white butterflies that seem to be everywhere (inaturalist tells me it is a Cabbage White, or Pieris rapae), I would take it as a sign to check in.

I had a coven once. We performed a few rituals. But the guy who ran it was overly solemn and more than a little pompous, and eventually the thrill wore off.
But I never stopped talking to My Goddess.

I still don’t know who she is. I’m not convinced that it matters. I’ve always been drawn to Bast, so when I envision Her, Bast is who comes to mind. I don’t believe that My Goddess is Bast. I also hold the general opinion that all Gods and Goddesses are the same being, and that all of the different names are just aspects of that infinite power. My Goddess and your Goddess may be different dieties, but they are also the same. The Goddess and Her consort are also the same (just as the consort is also the son). For me, this satisfies my understanding of how there can be so many religions in the world. We all experience our faith and our spirituality individually, despite the community you belong to.

Since it is Samhain and everything tells us that this is the “time of year when the veil between our world and the next is thinnest”, I spoke to my ancestors. Aside from immediately after Dad’s death, telling him that scaring me would NOT be the funny joke he’d think it was, I’ve never spoken to the people I’ve lost. I had a picture of Dad and AB on the altar. I realized I should probably address mom’s parents. And then I thought of Doreen. I got teary at this part.
I did beseech AB to keep an eye on my Godmother, who is suffering both mentally and physically. It was only then that tears fell.

I wasn’t sure how to end the ritual. I thanked the corners, said Blessed Be, blew out the candles, and went inside.

I was so nervous to start. I felt foolish. I’m very glad M is not here so I wouldn’t feel even more foolish (M may be an asshole of an athiest, but he’d never make me feel bad intentionally).

I want to say more, but Valentino is being extremely insistent that its his turn now,