Maybe... and not in My descent

The week of Thanksgiving we were slow at work, hell we’re still slow. But anyway. The Tuesday before Thanksgiving I left work early as it was my youngest daughter’s birthday. I picked both kids up from school and then went back to work. The youngest hadn’t met anyone yet so I wanted her to meet who was there. Which wasn’t that many of us. Then the next day, due to lack of work, we didn’t work. So that meant we had a 5 day weekend. Which in iteslf isn’t a bad thing. Being out of work is a great thing. However when that is the main time you see someone it sucks. I saw him briefly on Wednesday. Then we talked a little on Thanksgiving but he was busy cooking and was miserable. Then I never heard from him on Friday. Saturday and Sunday weren’t much. Maybe a good morning but no real conversation. Then Monday came and nothing still. So in my head he was done with me. Get to work and let him know he was on my shit list. We actually had a decent day. He didn’t have his truck so I got to take him home. We found a quiet spot in a church parking lot to watch the sun set and love on each other. Discovered my car is way too small. We didn’t get to do much this past week. Monday and Wednesday was all. Wednesday was nice because I got to go to his house. No vehicle that time. He said there will be more chances like that. On Thursday he was wanting me to do two things that weren’t that close to each other but I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t fast enough. So the one person started glueing and I just ran a machine. I was fine with that. He walks over at some point and asks if we are ok. It’s like why would we not be? Yes, we are fine I’m just working. Geez. But the mood was off. I wanted to be affectionate but work so no. In an effort to be flirty and playful I bit him. Going just for layers of clothing but I knew when I did it it was more than clothes. I knew I got skin. It gave a little bruise. It was the end of the day. It was a bad day. But he didn’t really say much to me so I thought he was mad at me for it. No good morning on Friday. At least not until about an hour into the work day. Once again I was busy working. He finally said good morning but I ignored it. A little bit later he send a text asking if we are ok. I’m like yeah. I told him he was the quiet one and I was just being reactive. Evidently he was in a lot of pain. But still quiet. Being quiet isn’t good. He said he needed my smile but I just couldn’t. Then he was over watching the machine with me and I just kinda wrapped my pinky around his. It’s the little things. We’re fine. We get to do a game night at his place this weekend. I am very excited. Just to be around him. Granted I have to behave. We’ll see how it goes.

There was a conversation and he said maybe my girlfriend. I didn’t say anything at first but then I was like “I’m your maybe girlfriend?” He never replied. So he’s my “not boyfriend” and I’m his “maybe girlfriend.” I want to be his actual girlfriend and I want him to be my boyfriend but that opens it all up for the being in love thing and that is what scares me. I can’t be in love. He’s not in the place for being in love with me either. But we are getting closer. I just want him.