Despite The Minor Win in Hello

I’m so depressed tonight. Just talked with Mom for forty minutes face to face. I don’t know what’s wrong. Dad died on Oct. 25th 1999. If that’s what’s bothering me? I know I wished him alive just to talk yesterday. But even that would have been pointless. By the time my brother’s hit puberty he challenged them both to a fist fight for copping an attitude

I remember at 14, freshman year of high school. The one bedroom apartment where I slept on the couch.

He literally opened the door and challenged me to a fist fight. A 48 year old man. I laughed in his fucking face at how insecure of his displaced fatherly dominance. I remember crying later on and telling him to go to hell.

I know now I’d fuck him up bad…

This took a very dark turn.

Why did I want his advice again?

Therapy doesn’t know this.

When I mentioned it to mom, of course she doesn’t remember.

She was there

She talked my dad down

She was the one who told my dad to leave me alone after I told him to go to Hell.

What is this insanity that I live in?

Last updated October 20, 2023