Breathe... in 2023 the year I recover

Anxiety is a bitch. My anxiety is high right now. I just want to cry.

I’m going to see one of my best friends and their family. She just had a baby Tuesday. This will be a 6.5 hour drive at the least. I am doing this all alone. I was told before I can’t do anything alone but I am doing this alone. I chose to not do things alone. I like companionship.

I’m in a new situationship. I wouldn’t call it a relationship right now. I don’t know what it is. There are difficulties with it. He is married. Oh and he’s my boss. Well, sort of. I knew I had a respect for him and was attracted to him. I guess a man of power. But now I just can’t stop thinking about him. Wanting him. Even just for companionship. But I don’t message him because I don’t want to seem what I am. Gives me anxiety about how he actually feels about me.

The ex has been trying to contact me a lot this week. I responded with one text. Thats it. My daughter is like don’t reply or else you will be getting back with him. No, no I wont. I would rather what I have any day.

Off to bed. Waking up in less than 5 hours to leave on my long drive.