A Good Thing in Everyday Ramblings

I wished I had managed a shot of this romantic late blooming crepe myrtle a few hours early when the unexpected light was breaking through the overcast behind me from the west. But I was on unfamiliar ground going to meet with the Thursday morning coffee guys in a new location. An old church that rents itself out to the community the rest of the week.

We met in the big community room, which is off the small coffee bar, a dark but large and comfortable room with modern stained-glass windows. There ended up being 13 of us, with a call in from one of the guys that Walt knows from prison.

There was one new to us guy and the wife of the one of the newer guys, who recently moved here from Santa Barbara. The wife had been in Chicago helping with grandchildren there and then home here where they have a brand-new grandchild. 3 weeks old. The wife is lovely, truly lovely. That then, with me, made three women. One of the guys is bringing his partner, a woman that remains a bit of a mystery to me, but I think is a retired academic. She lived for a long time on a houseboat, I know that. And is quite athletic. And wears hearing aids.

The new woman, I will call her Jackie, is an artist. She was telling us a bit of her life story, (Walt asks for that) and it turns out she had powerful exposure to death when she was 18 and 19. She lost 6 family members. This has influenced the course of her life and outlook. She is getting ready to teach a class on art and death. She says she gets a wide range of folks in these classes including funeral directors.

She mentioned in passing that she would love to organize a death festival. This is what we talked about for the rest of our time together. Of the 13 people present, 8 had been intimately involved in the passing of a loved one. We talked about pets, losing a pet, and how it could be as difficult as losing a family member. We talked about near death experiences. We talked about other cultures and the celebrations bringing closer the web of ancestors. That our loved ones are alive as long as we remember them.

Jackie said she thought that there is a certain percentage of people who are in the moment and not afraid to be with those who are leaving us, and those who are dealing with being left, and then there is everyone else. Afraid. Terrified even of all the things, makes perfect sense, the fear.

We were throwing out ideas for booths at our festival. A palliative care booth, a hospice booth, a non-denominational funeral booth, a booth for options for burial or cremation, a booth for finances, estate sales, a social worker booth, grief counselor booth, a booth for the loss of a pet, a near death booth, a will writing booth, an art making booth…you get the idea.

The Open Road (the nonprofit I am on the board of) might actually do this. I was talking to Mrs. Sherlock this morning about the idea, and she thought it was a great idea. Mrs. Sherlock is one of those practical people who steps right on up to death and helps people deal with it.

Jackie’s idea is that say someone is afraid of all these things, considering these things but maybe a friend brings them, or circumstances brings them, and they see and hear just one small thing that makes their transition, or more likely a loved one’s transition that much easier. Makes a dent in the fear.

That would be a good thing.

An antidote to all the fear mongering going on out there in the press and in politics. It was a rich discussion and I am glad I didn’t let social anxiety or annoyance with having to go to a new place stop me.