Nane, are you alright? in 2020-2024

I had a bad dream that I ran into Christiane somewhere and she looked very sad and worried. I asked her what was wrong and she said, “She wants to die.”

I said, “Who, Nane?” and she nodded.

So I contacted Christiane and let her know that I’ve been known to have dream premonitions over the years and that Nane may not necessarily want to die but it could be a sign that something bad is amiss. Also, she might want to message her and see what’s up.

I slept absolutely shitty. First I forgot to put my nose strip on, so my nose was stuffy, then I got up to pee, then I woke up hot, then a loud motor woke me up because I didn’t have the sound machine uncomfortably loud which is unfortunately how I’m going to have to play it for the rest of my life whenever I’m on nights. Twenty years ago that would have been different.

Damn, do I miss having breathing room around us! Not that that always did me much good with Jesse’s motorcycle in California and sonic booms in Arizona. I thought it might have been a fire truck but Tom said a loud truck went to the honker’s but the honker wasn’t there and it sat there idling. From what he posted, he spent the day golfing with other people. The white SUV is there again tonight, too.

I still snore at times when I flop onto my back in my sleep and I now have a theory. I wasn’t doing this shit in the hotel when we moved out here and my weight was similar then to what it is now. So that’s when it hit me that it could be the pillow. This pillow is perfect for lying on your side but not as much if you’re on your stomach or back. On my back, it pushes my head forward and it’s like breathing with your head down almost as far as it will go. So the next time I sleep I’m going to ditch the pillow and see if I have the same problem. Lying on my back is my least favorite sleeping position but I do sometimes go belly up in my sleep and I would really like to go back to having that as an option instead of always having to try to force myself to stay on my stomach or side. I still have my doubts about it being connected to my weight or my throat structure but this experiment will give me an idea.

I was thinking of Andy and how he said that whenever he loses weight it’s exciting and I wonder if he’s not jumping the gun as many people often do when it comes to weight loss. It starts to come off, they get excited, then they find they can’t quite lose all they want, and then the weight returns. I mean, how can he be so sure that this is it? I hope it is for his sake but until I got all the weight off I wanted to lose or pretty damn close to it and kept it off for over a year, I wouldn’t count on anything no matter how many experts I consulted with.