somebody once in poetry

now that the guy from Smashmouth
has sadly shuffled this mortal coil
I wonder who gets custody of Guy Fieri?
is it Nickelback?
do you think that it’s Nickelback?

Scott Creed from Creed’s a bit too churchy for Flavourtown
Flavourtown seems like a pretty non-demonimational settlement
Evan Vesence from Evanescence is way too gothic for Fieri
Kid Rock I’m certain could not afford him at this point
as much as Kid Rock would love to borrow his relevance
are we settling on Nickelback?

Matchbox-20 seems like a Bobby Flay outfit
Rachel Ray would be a hardcore Taylor Swiftie
Alton Brown, toss-up, either R.E.M. or Rush
Emeril belongs to the Eagles, obviously
I think we have to go Nickelback?

Iron Chef Morimoto seems a Cheap Trick dude
Mario Batali is all Gary Glitter
no, I’m sorry, Mister Fieri
I know you do a lot of charity work
I know you seem to be a very nice guy
outside of your awful food and
your awful awful fashion sense
I was going to grant you Jimmy Buffett
but I’m afraid you’re stuck with Nickelback
you’re going to have to go live with Nickelback
I’m afraid that it’s county fairs for you now
but hey
you seem to really like county fair food
maybe you’ll be okay
enjoy