Got it over with. in Since OD is shutting down....

I attended both of my disability appointments and I’ve been home for about an hour and a half. Just taking deep breaths and feel so much better now that they’re over with and I don’t have to worry about them anymore. I’m so glad my daughter is at school so I didn’t have to worry about her or asking anyone to babysit.

The first one was just meeting with a dr and he kept talking about a pinched nerve and ridicular pain or something like that. I’m definitely weaker on my right side than the left. That was the appointment I had the most anxiety about. Then I just went and did x-rays which didn’t take too long. The girl that did them said they will be looked at either today or tomorrow. According to Google, I should get a decision within 3 weeks but it could take up to 3 months.

I try to just think of the positives that I have all my work credits, there’s plenty of proof, and they acknowledge that I have disc degenerative disease. I’m concerned that I don’t have a lawyer though because you’re three times as likely to get approved if you do. I’m still going to try and find someone to represent me. I don’t know if I’ll have to go to court or not. I really hope not because that gives me great anxiety. I really hope this is the last thing I’m going have to do for awhile.

It’s just nice to be able to sit here and think about things. I’ve done the dishes and ate lunch. I’m just so happy to get all that over with. I’m very concerned about getting denied again but if there’s a God up in heaven, I’ll get approved. I sit here all the time wondering about having to get a job and what kind of job I would be able to physically handle. I can’t sit or stand for more than a few minutes. I’m just so worried about my future and money.

I was kind of thinking my Mom would have text me today and at least wish me good luck or even ask how everything went. I didn’t hear a word. My Mom is so fucking disconnected that it’s stomach turning. I have so much hatred towards her that it’s not even funny. It’s still ridiculous to me how she offered to babysit so I could take that job but have very little contact with her. She doesn’t care any more about my daughter than she does me.

Tomorrow I go back to TANF. I wish I didn’t have to be there at all but at least now it’s only an hour or two a day. I’ll get my next payment on Monday and that’s awesome because I need gas, household stuff, and I need to pay my internet and car insurance. I sent an email to my old insurance company to see if I could get back on with them because they have cheaper rates. I’m just glad that I won’t have to keep dipping into our savings for our expenses. Hopefully I’ll hear from disability sooner rather than later.

Since my daughter got into the after school program, I definitely feel like things are looking up and that I won’t have to be in that room 30 hours a week anymore. Hopefully more good things will happen and then I can just focus on raising my daughter, losing weight and getting myself back on track. Stress has really caused a lot of negative things for me. It would be really nice to not have to be so worried about money anymore.

I think if I do get disability that I want to consider moving somewhere else. I’m going to be a single Mom no matter where we are so I don’t care to stay here. I would like to at least move to a different area of town.