All in a fun Tuesday night in Adventures in paradise

Crazy, crazy night! Loved it.

I wasn’t sure when to start pre-drinking, as everyone else was heading out after they finished work, but I wasn’t rostered on that shift, so I just met them outside work just before midnight.
Earlier, I just went to the bottlo to get a 4-pack of something. I knew it wasn’t going to take much to get me buzzed. It never does these days, especially since I started gymming a few years ago. I also bought a single bottle of Blueberry cider, as it was on special for $3. I asked the cashier, “Does this taste like shit? Is that why it’s so cheap?”
He was honest. He simply said, “Could be. Or it might have a short use-by.”

Quite a few of my workmates were coming, and we went to my manager’s place for some pre-drinks before heading out. My 2IC brought her husband along, so I got to meet him and he was a pretty cool guy.
The guy I think is hot was the only one not drinking.

I think it’s safe to say I knew I was sufficently sloshed once it was time to head off to the ‘club’. I say ‘club’ because the Down Under bar (or the ‘Dundah’) is hardly a club haha. By this point, I’d had my cider earlier on in the afternoon (It wasn’t too bad actually!) and I’d had a crusier, plus my remaining three cruisers at my managers place. He has a gorgeous view of the city from the highest level, so that was nice to look at. Brisbane was so peaceful and pretty at around 1am in the morning, being a Tuesday night. If it was the weekend there probably would have been a few more sirens and drunk people.

We left for the club and I was already annoyed with myself that I kept perving on the hot guy, but hey, let’s face it - we all knew I would :P A drunk gay guy around an attractive straight guy probably isn’t gonna go down too well.

When we got to the Down Under,the bouncer told us that only people who are students are allowed in after 9pm. Ummm, what the? I’ve had this happen before at the Down Under, but it doesn’t make much sense considering the amount of times we’ve been there now. Luckily for us, the bouncer’s changed shifts and my manager tried again, and the guy let us all through! Woohoo! I guess the first bouncer was just being a tosser.

Once inside the bar, I had to break the seal (lol) and then went to the bar, where it said ‘cash only’ so then spent the first while searching for an ATM. I found it and only got out what I was willing to spend. I’d prepared this. I don’t earn that much or go out that much so I have to try to be sensible on occasions like this :)

I don’t quite remember what else I bought to drink that night, but I think I had two or maybe three Malibu Pineapple’s. Yeah it was three, because one was shouted to me, and I also had two jagerbombs that were also shouted. Toward the end of the night, I had two more Smirnoff blacks, as much as I hate supporting Russian companies these days but meh who cares. They weren’t overly-priced like at most other venues where you fork out $12 just for one! Then there were quite a few shots.

So the night inside was pretty fun. I spent most of the night being a wingman for my manager. Yeah, I know right. Me, a wingman. Talking to girls. Fuck.
I was way in over my head. I had NO idea how to talk to girls, especially for someone else.
To start with, he told me he was interested in a girl wearing an 18-badge. As he was 21, it made sense to use that as an opening line. But when I went to try and find her, I couldn’t, and ended up getting frustrated that I was spending so much time looking at chicks boobs keeping an eye out for a fucking “I’m 18 Today’ badge.

I went back and told my manager that and to pick someone else, and he burst out laughing and walked off. Rhys then asked me what was so funny and I told him. Everyone thought it was pretty funny.

It got to a point where my manager hadn’t really picked out anyone, so I was suggesting girls to him. He agreed on one, and I braved it. “Here we go” I thought. There was no way in hell I could do this sober.

I went up to this really pretty girl with wavy shoulder-length blonde hair. My manager has a thing for blonde’s, apparently. I kind of tapped her on the arm and leaned in and rattled off a stupid story, something like, “Hi, this is going to sound really weird, but my friend is turning 21 and I’m just wondering if you’d like to make out with him?”

I felt SO stupid when I got to the ‘make out’ part of my question, but how else was I gonna find out. I pointed out which guy he was and she took a quick glance, then spoke back to me.

Immediately I realised I could not understand a SINGLE word she was saying to me. At first I thought the music was just too loud and there was no way, but I’m near positive that she wasn’t speaking a word of English back to me. Or maybe she was. The only part I understood of her answer was, “....old men.” LOL, so anyway I smiled and thanked her and went back to my manager to, well, deliberate haha.

My gosh I was pretty gone by this point. I couldn’t believe I had just done that. I don’t think I’ve ever gone up to a FEMALE in a club before, nor do I remember being a wingman before. I think I made a pretty terrible wingman. How I even got into that situation I don’t remember. All the other guys there were straight and obviously know how to talk to women in bars, so why was the one and only gay guy doing it? I wasn’t in my territory!
So anyway, I said to my manager, “I didn’t understand a SINGLE word she said back to me, but I think she’s only into old men.” Baha! She could have said something completely different for all I knew.

I was waiting for a drink at the bar with Marty and after I got one, I saw a really cute guy, but I knew I wasn’t in the right venue to try anything so I said to Marty that I’d grab his arse as I walked past. It was probably stupid and dangerous to do so, but I was pretty drunk and I guess I didn’t have much common sense going on at the time. Anyway, Marty said he’d back me up, so I just gave him a quick squeeze as I walked past haha. I knew it would feel like a nice butt, and it sure did!

Marty followed me a bit later and told me that the guy knew it was me who’d done it, and was exclaiming to his friend at the bar something like ‘That dude that grabbed my butt!’ I figured he was probably a foreigner. Most people there probably are, given it’s a backpackers bar. That girl earlier on sure was.

I had to use the bathroom again and some random guy was chatting to me at the urinal saying to me, “I’m too pretty for ugly chicks”. I was like, “Ummmm, righteo then…” (Not really understand what the fuck he was going on about) and he shakes my hand and says, “Just walk away mate, just walk away.” Ergh. Drunk bogan straight guys. I don’t understand how any of them ever get laid. They must pay for it.

Rhys took off home pretty early. It was great he came along (naturally) and I gave him a big hug that was probably longer than necessary haha! I think he’s so health conscious these days that he just decided not to drink, and fair enough. He really does look amazing these days.

I get back to my workmates and my manager is telling me he just made out with a chick on the dancefloor and I pointed her out, and I told Marty this, so whiulst my manager is away from us, Marty goes, “I’m going to find out” and he goes up to this girl and asks her if it was true.
Marty comes back and says to me, “She said ‘No. Hell No.’” LOL!!

We danced for a while on the dancefloor. I was trying SO hard to hook him up with a girl he might be interested in, but it never happened. He was SO in quite a few times there. Even Emma was trying to get him in there, so that was awesome to see she was acting like one of the boys also.

As the bar was closing up for the night, we finished out last drinks and were on the dancefloor for the last few songs. I decided to go up to the DJ and asked him if he could wish my friend a happy withday, and that it was his 21st.
The DJ was really cool and was happy to, so when I heard him start to speak on the microphone, I grabbed my managers attention and pointed to the roof, so he’d listen.
The DJ began, “A special shoutout to Jon who is turning 21 today! Happy birthday Jon!”
The look on my managers face was disbelief. I wish I’d photographed that moment. He literally ran over to me and gave me a big bear hug and thanked me profusely! I couldn’t believe he’d appreciated it so much.

We then headed outside. I took this opportunity to start filming some stuff on my phone. I was pretty far gone, especially after those three or four shots - Wet Pussy’s I think they were. MAN they were nice! This girl standing near me was saying to me, ‘That’s not very nice’ and I was like, “What?’ and she goes, “Filming them!”
I told her it was evidence and it was hilarious. She was a short, brunette girl and I absolutely fell in love with her accent! It was very British but with the soft tone of her voice, I ended up just chatting to her for a little while, or rather, arguing over the filming. Considering I was recording what was going on around me, it’s probably all even on film. I unfortunately don’t have enough data up upload it here now, but I’ll do it when I go over to Vish’s place sometime soon.

The bouncer was making us all go around the corner, so we did, and my manager sits down and starts vomiting on the footpath haha. This got cheers from a few nearby randoms. Of course I got all of this on film, although it’s probably a bit shaky given how much I was swaying. I was paying my manager out, saying that I’d outdrank him and he was apparently the seasoned alcoholic. He was yelling out to random people about how I’m an awesome perishables guy at work, so I shot back with, “So you’re saying I’m hopeless at grocery?!” He goes, and get this, “You’re good at grocery… but you overdo it.”
I OVERDO it? I didn’t realise overdoing a job was such a negative thing! He elaborated, saying, “Lightbulbs, you spend too long on lightbulbs”
I wasn’t gonna go into something so stupid whilst drunk, but I was thinking how fucked that section always is, and I’m the only one who EVER seems to tidy it up and put shit in the correct spot, when it’s clear the other staff just shove shit in there. Besides, I don’t remember having touched lightbulbs in months now. Anyway!

Marty was chatting enthusiastically to that British chick I’d just been talking to, and after my manager had recovered a bit, next thing we know, we’re going INTO the backpackers and into the dodgy elevator. It had doors you had to OPEN and CLOSE manually. We must have gone up and down in that damn lift for about 20 minutes. I’m stunned I didn’t throw up from the motions. I had no idea where we were going. There were a couple of other people in the lift who got out on certain floors and I assumed the English chick was staying here as well. Who knew where this was gonna go, but I hung around for the adventure. She then tells us she’s not staying here and I asked, “Well why the hell are we in this elevator!?”
The whole thing didn’t make a lot of sense. We got back to what I recognised as the ground floor and I pulled open the doors and made my way out. There was no way I was staying in that lift any longer.

We made our way back outside and headed toward the valley, the English chick included. She was a gorgeous little thing and my manager made clear to me that he was interested. Marty spent much of the walk talking with her, with my manager and I walking behind. I got lost behind all of them for a fair while there whilst I drunkenly swirled around a pole about three times and then leaned against a church railing for a while to compose myself. I went into the church grounds and urinated in some bushes - probably some symbolism there on how much I hate the church these days :P
I heard someone else walking behind me, so I forced myself to carry on and meet up with the others. My manager thought they had lost me.

We get back to their complex and the girl had crossed to the other side of the road, with the three of us on the other. I didn’t get to say anything else to her before I’d caught up. I didn’t have to go that direction but decided to walk them home. We were just chatting outside when I was surprised to see the English girl show up again right in front of us.
Oooo, maybe she was interested!
My manager was sure she was interested in Marty though, but Marty has a loving girlfriend, and when I told my manager this, he goes, ‘fair point!’ and runs off to join them, which is when I got left behind.

It kind of teetered off though. She asked if the guys lived there and they said ‘Yes’ but marty gave her a hug (obviously being faithful to his girlfriend) and my manager followed suit I guess. I gave her a hug and said it was lovely to meet her, which it was, and I said bye to the boys and headed back off home in the direction I’d come from. She asked where I was and I told her and she went back off to where she was staying further up the road.

Not a bad night at all. I’m sure I will get threats to delete that video footage, but meh :)

Here’s the link to the video’s

Last updated August 28, 2014