The Conversation With Mom in Me Being Me

My mom called me late yesterday and asked me if I am being kept hostage. I told her no and then asked how she came up with that and she said since she and my dad haven;t seen me in like 6 years she was just wondering. Then I told her no and that I am fine. And besides how can I be held hostage when hubby goes to work everyday? I did tell her that I am really discusted with myself and that I am in the process of loosing weight but I haven’t been on a scale for a long while. So my mom asked me why don’t I do something about it and I told her that I am already eating less but it’s the chips and other crap that I am eating also. So I need to just stop eating those things and eat more fruit and other good stuff.
I also told her that when people see me they are really disgusted in me because of the weight I have gained and that look on their faces really upsets me. And the one person that I am really worried about is my dad because he already is disappointed in me and when he sees me he will be even more disappointed in me and I just as soon no one sees me. But the only two people who really accept me for me is my son and hubby. Hubby calls this biody shaming and I know this but this is how my parents have been all my life and I do try really hard to be the good daughter but I seem to be failing at every turn. So I have just come to the conclusion that I am the way I am and no matter how much weight I loose there will always be something. So I just have to do the ebst I can and start not carring what they think or anyone else thinks and then I will be better off.

Onto something else…

Yesterday I talked to a garden guy and I told him that there is about 100% weeds here and how much would it cost to get rid of them. he told me that he can;t do anything because there is no grass and they also do furterlizing and other things and there is just no way they can do it and it will cost about $600.00 each time till I actually have grass. And what I need to use is some thing that has a lot of iron in it to ell the weeds and not knowing how much I would need or how I would put it on the grass and then I would have to take the dead weeds out and I have no garden tools to do that. So I have decided that there is no point in trying to take care of anything here because the slumlord won’t give me permission to do it or let me have anyone come and do the work for me so I am just going to leave it. And if she doesn’t care why the hell should I? Infact why should I care about anything here if she isn;t going to help take care of things? So the only thing I can come up with is that she doesn’t care about me or hubby or the rental unit and has no desire to have happy tenants. And after she said that I don’t rent here and it’s my brother in law I should have asked her how the hell she gets the rent money every month and then why am I still here? I want hubby to ask her why she said this because I know she won;t tell me. And just watch she will tell him that she was just joking but then she also told me she doesn’t want me living here so I am not sure what to think. And then I am wondering if she should get the rent from my brother in law since his name is on the lease. But then how do you get rent money from a dead person because my mother in law was living here too till she died.

Onto something else…

Dinner tonight is going to be left overs and I am not sure I will be eating that much or aything at all. I just don’t feel like eating much.
And maybe I will do some laundry and other domestic work but it will all depend on how I feel and latly I haven’t been feeling all that great because I never know if I will be getting evicted for no good reason.

Anyways..I need to stop here…
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe and Behave.

Last updated September 22, 2023