Back issues. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I met with my back doctor and he said that he’s going to message the nurse that I saw before I met him about me quitting smoking and losing weight. I have to do all these things before I were to have surgery. He filled out the form for the TANF thing but put that I would have get up every 30 minutes to walk around which means I would still be sitting in that room 30 hours a week. I just know that they wouldn’t limit my time there whatsoever.

I’m upset about having to quit smoking because I feel that’s the only thing I have control over in my life. I know that it would be a great benefit to me physically to stop. I’ve stopped several times in the past and this last time, I stopped for 4 months. I know that I can’t keep buying them and it’s such a hassle to smoke.

So, I think that I’ll get a call from the nurse and start the process with the weight loss and probably find a quit date for smoking. I know that there’s not much more they can do outside of surgery.

My daughter did get a spot in the after school program and starts today. I sent her with a couple of granola bars because I worry about her getting hungry because she’s used to eating dinner right after school. I know they give out snacks but I wanted to make sure she has extra. I’m definitely excited for her and I’m so glad this happened because I really didn’t think it was going to.

I’ve gotten everything done that I wanted today. I met with my doctor and get some stuff at the store. I made dinner. It’s so weird not planning to leave here soon to get my kid. This is definitely going to be an adjustment.

About the job hunt. I plan to just get to my appointment next Wednesday and see if I get approved or denied for disability. So many jobs here want you full time and I know that physically I can’t. I am not even sure I could handle a job more than 3 hours. I’m seriously sick of how much my back issues control my life. I don’t like not knowing what I can handle these days.

I do agree that my weight is an issue but I don’t know what to do about it because food is so expensive and I have to make sure we have food for the month. I would absolutely love to eat more salads, fruits, and veggies but financially I can’t buy that stuff like I want to.

The whole TANF thing was a big fat waste of time. I just think about how anytime I mentioned my payment, I would just get stonewalled, ignored, or she would just talk over me. They never sent a letter talking about it either so I honestly feel that I showed really good judgment by just giving up and not going back. I don’t think I would have ever seen any money and I’m angry that I wasted my time to sit there and get nothing out of it. It wasn’t doing anything productive for my daughter or myself to keep going.

I’m sure I’ll get a letter at some point saying I’ve been sanctioned due to non participation and if I sign up again, I’ll get half my payment but I never got a payment to begin with and I can honestly say I’ll NEVER apply again. I didn’t even want to apply this time but I thought I’d be able to get a payment to help us and it didn’t happen. That shit isn’t as much of a help to you as they make it out to be. They don’t help you with the tools that are needed for you to get a fucking job. I honestly believe that it’s just job security for THEM!

I feel that it was in my best interest to just quit going. It’s like them saying that if you do Spark, they match it dollar for dollar and you don’t get help with gas. Sounds to me like they just want you to be completely dependent on the program and not venture out to make money. There’s going to be consequences if you try to have some other way to make money. It’s like they are more into encouraging you to suck off welfare then get a job. I remember the last time I was there and being told that if you get offered a job, you have to accept it and you don’t want to set yourself up to fail. Ummmmm what?!

They do what they can to advise against you getting a job and make it clear that if you get a job, there’s serious consequences. They only help with insurance 1 time and gas vouchers…I received 1 and it was for $30. The couples times I asked, it was really awkward and I felt very uneasy asking so I stopped. Your best bet is to just handle whatever barriers that are preventing you from getting a job, get a job, and keep it moving. Again, that program isn’t created to help anyone overcome their barriers or be a support to you. It’s NOT THE STEPPING STONE they make it out to be. Not by a fucking long shot.

The system is designed for your failure and dependency on it. They don’t want you to climb out of your situation.