My Kitchen Sink Got Fixed in Me Being Me

Yesterday I used my space heater for the fist time since I got it for my birthday back in July. And I found out that I can’t use it when there is more then one thing pluged in on the same circut so I need to figure out where I can use it or if I can use it where it was with nothing else working like the dishwasher and the TV and the air purifier.
And when part of my lights went out the idiot slumlord called me and told me someof her lights were out and I told her that when I talked to hydro they told me to do the 5 minute test where I turn off all the lights from the circut breaker and leave them off for 5 minutes. And I went to do that and she tells me that I am never to do that again or I will be gone. I did try to explain to her that is what hydro told me to do and I was about to tell her the rest but she said no or I will be evicted if I ever do what hydro says to do. And she said hydro has no right to tell me what to do because this is her house. Which is kind of funny because I asked her if I can sign a lease and she said she doesn’t want to sign a lease with me because of my behaviour. And that I am not really renting here because it’s my brother in law who signed the lease when him and his mom moved in here. But my mother in law is dead and he moved out to live with his girlfriend so it’s just me and hubby. So basically what I got from that is that this is never going to be my home and I have no rights here. And becasue she only wants two people here my son can never live here ever again. But the truth is he can live here as long as the rent is being paid. But I am not going to push it unless my son does have major issues living where he is and can’t find another place right away.
And because the sink needed to be fixed she came right when I was going to start dinner so hubby ended up eating left overs and I ate two t-spoons of peanut butter because it just got too late to cook the pork side ribs I was going to have. So tonight we will have them. And I still have to unload the dishwasher because when I was ready to do it she came. So now later on I need to empty it before hubby wakes up so he can use some of the dishes.
Oh and the dryer isn’t going to get fixed because it’s too old so I will just have to wait till it catches on fire. Oh and I can’t help my son out by doing his laundry sometimes because it’s not my washer or dryer or water or electricty.
I have been thinking about my behaviour and I do want to change it but everytime I ask her a question or want information she tells me I don’t need to know or she says because it’s my house and that she isn’t going to fix anything because of my behaviour and then tells me this is her house and she doesn’t have to do shit. As soon as she tells me no without a good enough reason I start to get really defencive and want to know why. And she never tells me so there for I get to the point where I scream at her and tell her she is a fucking idiot.
She told me that the untilites are in thethousands of dollars and that I am not paying enough rent. I have told her more then once that is not my fault because she won’t raise the rent to pay for these things so she figures she can put all these restrictions on me. I have told her I have been here for almost 10 years and there is no reason why the rent can’t be raised. I would be more then happy to pay an increase if I know things will get fixed and when I can’t afford it anymore then I would move.
I just want a home where I wake up everyday and want to stay and be happy and have things done in a timely manner and I can get things cleaned the way I want them done.
I have all these things to do and I just don’t feel like doing them because then I know for sure that she will blame me for something else.
The one thing I would like to know is how much she keeps out of my rent and what gets paid with it. But eveidently that is none of my business. And I would like to know the truth about her not fixing things I don’t think it’s because of my behaviour because the things that need to be fixed are a health hazzard and that has nothing to do with my behaviour.
The thing that really bothers me is when I tell her something is wrong she comes to look at it and if she sees nothing is wrong she won’t fix it. But the thing is like with when it does leak but when she looks at it nothing is leaking. And then she wonders why it gets worse. Things like water need to be fixed right away because they will get worse over time and then I will get blamed for that and even evicted. I wish she would stop telling me that she doesn’t want me here and to just eveict me for a leagal reason and I will move happily. And she has to stop telling me if I do this or that I will get evicted for no good reason. If all of this stopped and she would actually talk to me and find out what I am actually saying and the reasons why I am saying this and believe me when I tell her because I am telling her the facts. But she just laughs at me and tells me I am full of it. Like I told her that I need the heat on to at least 70 when I am sleeping because of the medications I am taking and she said she doesn’t care the heat has to be down to 62. It’s no wonder I wake up at 2:00 am and stay up. And the reasons why I have naps and go to bed as early as I can is because I know the heat will be turned down and I will wake up cold so I figure three hours of heat will give me like three hours of sleep and that is better then no sleep at all.

Onto something else…

The laundry that my son did bring the last time he was here I will do them but then I won’t be able to do them again because she doesn’t want me using her water and electricty because it’s her house. So this is another thing I can’t do to feel useful and wanted.
I often wonder what will the next thing be that I won’t feel good about myself? Will she just tell me for no good reason that I am on my way out? I wonder how much time I have here?
I just want to live in a place that I can call home and be proud of but why the hell should I maintain anything if she is going to treat me like a nobody with no rights?
Anyways I will figure something out....

Onto something else....
I really need to get into a better mood so i can get stuff done because everytime I look at this place I just get sick and can’t stand how things don’t get fixed and I am wondering what is the point of me doing anything if it looks just as bad as before?

Well, I need to stop here because I am just about ready to cry..
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe, and Behave.

Last updated September 20, 2023