I love my brain in Journal

It’s a little funny that I recently have this appreciation, because for all my life I hated it. I should say, my parents and the authorities in my life hated it. They hated me. But, as an internalized attitude, I hated the way that I felt, I hated how unnerved I became when I encountered people who’s purpose was to take advantage of me. I hated my own senses and instincts for self preservation. Because those things got in the way of people using me, and those same people benefited handsomely by my hatred of my self defense.
Anywho. I feel like I’m on a roll. I’m on fire. I’m ecstatic with energy and virve for the new exciting things in life. Mostly I think because I’m finallysafe. And from safety I can take advantage of the forward thinking creative genius that genetics and nature has afforded me.
There is a lot of bad stuff happening in the world. It’s been happening for a long time. A long, long time. I don’t knowexactly what it was that makes me feel free to condemn and judge… It’s interesting to wonder about I suppose but not that important. But I do wonder what makes people feel not free to condemn and judge. Do they doubt their own morality? Are they nihilistic? Are they hedonistic? Or evil? Or are they weak and helpless, condemned to hyper vigilance to identify the biggest threat to which they must inevitably conform and appease? Maybe it’s a combination. Whatever it is, I find all of these conditions despicable. Because I suppose after all it is interesting to ask why, but it’s not important. The effect is the same; that a lot of bad stuff happens.
My brain fixates on things until I’ve got it. It sort of looks like obsession. I used to hate that, lol. But it actually, in the moment, is really quite enjoyable. It’s like being in the zone. It’s like the runner’s high of idea chasing. And the method is predictable, consistent. It’s nice. It’s nice to be able to relax with appreciation and gratitude for who and what I am.