Son hospitalized pt 5 in Age 36

I know that last entry was really desperate and to some might seem a bit dramatic, but again I remind people we all process things differently, we all have different limits, and also when its any child we all would intervene for their suffering, when its your own child, you would burn down the world to see them not suffer and not care a bit what you left behind.

That being said, we have good news! Oncology was ruled out. We are still treating was he has as a bacterial infection. He just needs to stay a while in the hospital to receive IV antibiotics. This has been a hell of an experience. And I know that God did not make my child ill, but he does allow these things to happen for various reasons. I guess I am just not to happy with him for allowing it to be done to an innocent child, but then again how many are fairing worse?

Going away from the philosophical, I am now experiencing fear of taking him home to eventually release him to school. All I want to do is keep him in my pocket and not let him go anywhere. I want him safe and shieled. I know that is wrong and not what a healthy normal child should be put through, but its an appealing choice.

I made this wonderful human with my husband. He was made from love to be loved, and he is. I have to share him with the world and I do want all to see how awesome he is, but I don’t want him hurt by it. I thought I had contended with this already when I sent him off to kindergarten, but I guess it rears it ugly head when it wants yeah?

This is all just trauma from the experience, and I know that, but the visceral fear I felt through all this when we were in the thick of it was life altering. My prayer is that I don’t get complacent and complain of the mundane of life. I think that was also what this experience was suppose to show me. Quit ya bi#$hing.

Thank you for all the comments of every kind. I love and appreciate that you all took the time to read my entries. I hope the next one I write is of us getting the news that we’re going home.