In the middle of the night in These titles mean nothing.

I listen to this album.

And I know
it’s the story of my husband and my life
It’s how we were
It’s all we were

There’s pain and commitment
Reasons to live and as many not to

This might be our third Waylon album
Bought in the late 1970s, maybe early 80s,
Played on the $80 Sears ‘stereo’
Night after night, repeating its head off
In the living room outside the doorless bedroom.

It had all the truth there was to tell
All we were to each other and the world.
I was disappointed the first time but then I loved it
Then it was all there was.
Gluing night to the next day.

All this came after she came back. I know because we slept upstairs until after he went to see her that Labor Day weekend. I don’t know what year it was, but after he came home and I expected him to ask my forgiveness and instead he listed every fault I had. A very long string of things I did wrong, of things that displeased him, or things she would do to make him happier. And I was shocked because I thought he was the one who had done things wrong.... things I couldn’t even list in my head, let alone out loud.

Our marriage was that fragile. I had to wind him back in - a fish I’d let loose on a long string. I had to get back for his sake, for my sake, for the kids sake, for the neighbor kids sake, for our parents sake, for the farms sake. I had no choice. So I tried to fix myself. I moved us downstairs where we could hear the record player from the bed. I made made some fucking curtains. I went on trips with him. I did not let him go.

And that is what those songs are about. That is what I know and feel and remember when I listen to them.

I’m not sure there is such a thing as right or wrong. I’m not sure the decisions we make matter in either the short or long run. As many lives may have been ruined as were saved. As much sadness as happiness might have resulted. I don’t know. There is no way to know.

Just listen to the music.

Last updated August 01, 2023