Morning. in Since OD is shutting down....

We got breakfast and went to the gas station. It’s already pretty hot. I showered last night and slept decent. I rescheduled my dr appointment for tomorrow because I just don’t feel like loading up my kid to go. I have to go on September 21st right after my kid gets dropped off at school. I’m thinking about rescheduling my next injection too simply because it’s a big headache having my Mom come watch her. I wish it didn’t take over an hour but it does so I would rather do it on a day that she’s at school.

I’m hoping that this year will go better. It was hell constantly having my kid in trouble and having issues because I had to pick her up early which made it impossible to have a job and every time I turned around, she was sick. I almost wonder if her teeth were the reason for her ear infections. There was several last year so hopefully by getting every one of them fixed and those 2 kids that gave her problems will make this year go better.

I felt kinda depressed in the car this morning thinking about how my kid really doesn’t have a Dad. I try to just keep in mind that this is his choosing and we have to keep going. She told me last night that when she went with him all he did was play on his phone and didn’t pay enough attention to her. I don’t plan for her to go again if they ask. I don’t think they will because he got his clout for Father’s day and her birthday so when there’s talk of him seeing her again in 6 months, I plan to say he needs to go through the courts to get his parenting time because then there’s a better chance of visits being consistent.

Sometimes I really feel like no one cares how this affects my daughter or myself. I never feel like I’m being heard. It’s just really hard being a single parent and having no support system. I just have no where to turn. It’s hard doing the work of 2 people by myself every single day. The biggest issue we have is finding shit to do everyday and not having much money. I just feel terrible that I can’t give my kid people to love and appreciate her like I do. Everyone just takes advantage of the fact that they can swoop in whenever they want.

So if I don’t hear from them about taking her, I know I’m not going to say anything about it but I will remember so that when he decides to threaten me with court again, I will absolutely remind him that he told OUR CHILD they were going to pick her up in the next couple of days and didn’t do it.

I really creeped on her Facebook and they are currently in Denver. It must be nice to be able to travel and never have to worry about childcare or having a kid in tow. All of this just makes me sick to my stomach. I’m seriously so fucking over all of this.

It’s really hard to not be bitter. I’d like to live too. I love my child but it would be nice to have a night out once in a blue fucking moon.