Mundane in Current Events

I just got numb to that good feeling that fueled me for a few weeks. It didn’t go away! Which is all that matters, I suppose. What was that? I still don’t know. I was just vibing high. Only two things had changed in that time. 1.) I quit consuming pornography. So far, this time seems to be successful. 2.) Bamboo silica supplement with biotin. A potential third could be that run-in with my old crush. It stirred up my insides. I’m over it, however. I have not experienced any anxiety or depression since. Not yet at least. I cannot imagine my life without it so I just assume it will be back.

Nothing else changed. I still struggle with self-motivation. I am fixated on decorating my apartment now. I should be studying for my upcoming chemistry course. I should be working on my side quest on the Wild Wil Web, my podcast/content.

I have a big and bubbly personality in real life. At work, my coworkers adore me. Today, they saw a different side of me which I’m not going to lose sleep over. I was grievanced. On Tuesday, I was learning something new. Today, I was given feedback on it that set me off. A coworker of mine went and audited what I did which was not called for. He didn’t understand it and in his rampage, nobody rubbed any brain cells together and he made a mess of it. I then had to redo everything today. I got blamed for his mess. I was annoyed because I was told to do something I knew how to do. I was explained things that I already knew. I then had to do something I already did. I know how to do my job. My fragile male ego was butt hurt so I let it lose and became a handful… Then I ate and felt better.

I have not heard from my new employer yet. I will contact her tomorrow. I don’t know what the next step is exactly. I have not heard from the location down my street yet either. That full-time position is perfect for me. Another one opened up but it is a bit of a drive. That drive won’t be a problem at 5:30 am. Until winter that is. I applied. 8 times a charm? I feel somewhat torn about how I am going to balance both jobs. The current barely part-time one with the new one which sounds like it will be barely part-time as well. Only, it will have a lot more opportunities as they are able to cross-train me. If I get any of those full-time positions… I might have to refuse the offer. I’ll be balancing two jobs with school soon enough. Blimey.

I am absolutely conflicted about what to do with my hair. Do I dye it sterling again? Or do I dye it back to my natural colour? Do I grow it out or cut it short? I have the dread of having to face what my busted hairline looks like if I make it short. I’ll see how thin it is if I go back to dark hair also. I am leaning toward natural hair and getting a fade. It will be a makeover. I think it would be best because my efforts to grow my hair back have not been in vain. I think the bleaching has been melting my previous efforts. I can tell that I have some progress growing it back because I have a lot of new hair without any blonde tips.

What a boring entry!

I have lost my connection to just about everything. Can’t connect to any of my hobbies and interests as of late. I have changes happening so I can be patient with myself here. I think the makeover will help put a little pep in my step… if it doesn’t destroy my self-confidence.