Venus Retrograde Moment in Current Events

The shock bled the red from my face. My appetite ceased and I had to put on a show.

I had such a Venus retrograde moment. I went out for a walk with some friends and we decided to grab a bite after. Then I see my old crush walking into the building and I accidentally let out an “oh my god.” My friends were confused but I brushed it off and didn’t let them in on what I reacted to. He and I made eye contact for a second and I decided to put on a performance of a lifetime. I pretended as though I didn’t know him.

I was also a little nosy, I wanted to see who he was meeting up with. Nobody. He ate alone. I know that because I kept track of everybody who walked in. It was a slow night. I filled my friends in and they played it cool but then they tortured me after.

I assumed that he got fat and old looking like everybody else in our age group. If he is even in my age group. He’s older but he never ever told me his age. He was fit, he clearly works out. He was looking like a snack. Looking like a fuckboy, actually. Especially with those tinted car windows. Either we are dealing drugs or can’t take somebody home. Cheaters, that’s the vibe.

We petered off and on in my twenties. It wasn’t anything special. My favourite memory was at the club for a New Year’s Eve party. I hid in the bathroom for the countdown and when I came out he was waiting for me and laid one on me.

I had this weird encounter on Snapchat years ago. Somebody that added me was sending me weird things and in one of them he included a picture of him with Michael, my old crush. This guy, Vin, added me on Snapchat to sus me out. He sent that picture on purpose but pretended it was on accident. He fessed up to what he was doing, eventually. Apparently, when I liked one of Michaels’s photography photos on IG, he does freelance photography, Vin asked him who I was and he got very weird about it. This Vin character had to fight to get it out of him that he knew me.

After Vin decided that I was not a threat, he ended up talking to me about their situationship. They met on Grindr, it was supposed to be a NSA situation but feelings got involved. This Vin character was crazy. I did not get a good impression of Michael after that whole… whatever we can call it. Michael does hookup culture, that is just a turnoff. Public toilet, that’s the vibe. He can clean house too. He’s an ex-model. He can have anyone he wants. Felt like he was fetishizing Vin also. Just ick.

I don’t like the version of myself when I have a crush. I can take on the weight of the world but once I like somebody, I get crushed. I get jealous. I get a little fixated. I started to check on all of my socials to see if he would message me anywhere and then I caught myself. Where did that come from? I don’t have time for this. I have nothing to offer anyone right now. Low-vibe people are everywhere. Ick

It was a quick but wild encounter. He is way out of my league… maybe. As I said, everybody else in our age group is fat and let themselves go. Nope! Not thinking about it.

I was in a great mood today though. Way before I went for my walk. I was dancing in my living room at one point. Just vibing. Of course, somebody is going to come along and try to ruin it. Hateful people are not happy. Happy people are not hateful.