for the sake of in Random Thoughts

Working part time has been great, despite the halved wage. Luckily I had some savings to booster this year. By the time one year has passed, I will have survived off 45K plus (mostly likely) all of my 8k in savings.

I plan to work part time next year as well. I have a 403B I can tap into that is about 8k, so I think i;ll bust that out so I can make it through another school year. WA state adjusted their income for qualifying for assistance with childcare (the difference is me paying $1100/mo vs $115/mo) and now I make $65 too much to get assistance (vs $300 too much). The system was made to keep people poor. It’s fucked up.

I started working with a therapist who specializes in trauma. Today we talked about the suicide of my best friend in high school. I mentioned that for a long time it felt like my whole life’s trajectory was formed by death. I have yet to tell the therapist about the baby. We did chat about my attachment issues, but i feel silly even mentioning all the string of relationships i’d been in over the years.

I thought I’d be able to write and deal with some of the miasma that’s hanging over me right now, but I’m not feeling it. I’m feeling..... idk unworthy.

On that note, i think i will meditate.