Date last night. in Since OD is shutting down....

Okay so I wasn’t really into hanging out with that guy I’ve been talking to this week but my friend said that I was just trying to look for the bad and blah blah blah so I got my kid over to my brother’s and he came over. I was already irritated because he had mentioned coming to pick me up and take me to get food to us hanging out at my house. I made us a frozen pizza and put on a movie. He talked about how much he hates it here and plans to leave to his anxiety to his son who’s a teen that spends too much time with his girlfriend to bitching about money and I literally couldn’t wait to get rid of him.

I know it was the first time meeting and this can get awkward but this was ridiculous. I sit in my house by myself everyday that I didn’t want us to stay here and hang out. I was annoyed at how many times he said he was going to take me to get food and since that wasn’t going to happen, I felt like I needed to offer to feed him instead. I didn’t understand why he came over in the first place because he said something about how he should’ve packed up his fishing gear because his friend wanted him to go fishing.

He text this morning apologizing for being super awkward and how he was just dealing with a lot of stuff. I wrote back and said, “I hope it all works out” and then proceeded to block him. He made this really uncomfortable for me, I was sitting here questioning why he wasted my time if someone wanted him to go fishing instead or why he would even be trying to date if he’s planning to relocate. I felt like I was just a burden and it was taking a lot to just come over and hang out. I refuse for either one of us to waste any more time and that’s why he’ll now reside on my blocked list.

My friend said that ya know things can get awkward the first time you hang out and I agree. This though was really just pissing me off. All he did was talk about his problems and anxiety. I didn’t feel like he was trying to get to know me at all and would interrupt every time I tried to talk so I just chose to laugh at what he said and nod because there was no point in talking. I noticed this the couple nights we had talked on the phone as well but I gave it a chance because my friend wanted me to.

We all have our trauma. I just don’t care to hear about the same person or thing over and over again. I get tired of never being able to talk. I just can’t do this dating thing. I wish it was easier but it’s not.

I put more effort into this than what I wanted to and now I’m done. I get where my friend is coming from with things but her dating pool is a lot better than mine. I am honestly so lonely but I also refuse to ignore red flags like I used to. I remember going along with this type of shit in the past and keep trying because I was lonely and thinking things would get easier or better but it didn’t.

Red flags shouldn’t be ignored and I would ignore them but now I acknowledge them and just go away. I don’t need extra headaches.