I don't even know. in Since OD is shutting down....

Since I blocked him, I have gotten 3 friend requests from people who have mutual friends but I don’t know them or even ever heard their names. I don’t add people if I don’t know them so nice try. He messaged yesterday saying how I was super quiet and tried to call a couple of times but I have him blocked so messages go to a separate folder and calls go to voicemail. I think the guy is a fucking mess and is hell bent that he’s not going to be used but doesn’t mind using others.

There’s just too many red flags and my friend said it’s because I’m looking for them. Well yeah, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?! I knew I wasn’t into it after the first night of talking to him where all he did was bitch about his ex and interrupt me every time I tried to talk but I gave it another chance because my friend said it’s because he’s socially awkward and what not. Well I had the guy at my house which I don’t like but I’ve put in more energy than what I wanted and wasted enough time that I know I’m done now.

My niece spent the night with her other cousin last night so my daughter and I just had ham and cheese wraps for dinner and watched a movie. She has 1 more week of her Summer program and then supposed to go with her Dad. I’m upset that I have no idea when I’m going to see another payment so I can’t afford to do anything because I have to worry about school stuff. I just love that this guy just keeps doing what he needs to in order to avoid CS.

My back is absolutely killing me today. We went to the grocery store and I couldn’t wait to leave. I’m still in massive pain. I was really hoping the ablations were going to work but so far, I’m just as miserable as I was. I’m just hurting so bad today. I’m pretty sure my anal tear is trying to flare up as well.

But yeah, we have a pretty big event that’s going to take place in a couple of weeks so I am very certain he’s not going to start working before hand. I read in the modification papers that if he’s delinquent in payments that it will start building interest so it would be great to know when the guy actually plans to get a fucking job. Everyone sees this as a funny joke that he refuses to work but at the end of the day, I’m the one left to suffer for his choices. I don’t know how the fuck you could just keep doing this to your child’s Mother and then act mind blown when they just completely hate you.

I just would like to see how long this girl is going to put up with him living off of her dime. I won’t say anything because it’s her deal but I know the longer he’s there not working the more angry I’m going to be. It’s just not fair that he gets to just keep being a bum while I get to figure everything out. Everyone keeps telling me that he’s going to get his karma and blah blah blah but it’s been YEARS now so I don’t believe he’s ever going to have any real consequences. He’s waiting for her to just forget about him working. I know he’s going to interviews and shit but that’s just because he needs to at least pretend to be trying. He had a job lined up 2 weeks ago and blew that off so I think he’s just hoping that everyone is just going to learn to be okay with him being a piece of shit.

All of this is absolutely disgusting. I’m tired of being left to be responsible for a whole ass child! I want to have a life too but when you don’t have a sitter and don’t have any money, you end up stuck. It’s hard on the mind. I see posts everyday from women who are in the very same spot and them crying their eyes out on Tik Tok. This shit is straight up an epidemic. I don’t know where this should be allowed. These motherfuckers just get to control your lives and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

I bought cat food and cat litter today and even want to cringe every time I think about it. Everything is just so expensive. I thank God everyday that I have money in savings or I don’t know what the hell we would do. My whole life is spent worrying about every living thing around me so I don’t even get to enjoy my own life or time. I just want to know when this guy is actually planning to work. I doubt he will until he’s literally homeless wandering the fucking streets. Then it’s even harder to get a job. I have to sit here and worry how I’m going to pay my car insurance, internet and my medications every month.

We went to the park and got gas. It’s pretty hot and miserable today. I’ve made dinner and now gonna do bath time pretty soon. Anxiety is starting to set in knowing we only have 1 more week until there’s a month break. Even if they get her on the 2nd, that means 11days of trying to keep busy. I wonder if they are still planning to go on that cruise. I bet she is, just hoping he’s going to get a job.

He’s not going to get a job. He’s spent his whole life living off someone else and being the way he is that there’s not a chance in hell that this is going to change. I know he’s gone to a couple of interviews but it’s just for show. He managed to fuck off the one job from like 3 weeks ago because again, he’s not trying to work. He just doesn’t want a commitment and more importantly, he ain’t trying to pay child support.