Uninspired in Current Events

I informed my supervisor that I had applied for that temp full-time position at the location by my place. I asked her if my spot on her team would be reserved if I got it and she told me that it would be. I commented about the fifth time being a charm and she told me that she would talk to the other supervisor and encourage her. I didn’t expect her to do that.

I received a call about that position this morning and it didn’t inspire a lot of confidence. She didn’t want to conduct an interview. She said that she still had my previous one on file and was going to use that. Then she asked me if I had any questions. She could not have sounded more uninterested. She told me that she is doing interviews this week. Then she is on holiday for two weeks and her team will decide the week she returns. The temp position is from August - January. I better be in a better position by then. The only thing that I have going for me is that I know I aced the previous interview. She said so herself. She went with somebody who had more overall experience. I should have asked what that experience was. Dang.

Something about that call made the reality of my situation feel as desperate as it is. I am determined to keep myself together today. I want to be proactive and not reactive. What I actually want to do is freak out and rip all of my hair out. This area of my life has been nothing but a battle for years now.

My newsfeeds are flooded with content about child trafficking because of the Sound of Freedom movie that is out. I never thought that I would see this dark part of the rabbit hole see the light of day. They are even discussing adrenochrome. My PTSD can barely cope with this.

Anyway, I must go get my life right.