Change of Heart. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I’ve definitely done a lot of thinking since yesterday and realize that I can’t be nasty about the next time they take her. I want my daughter to spend time with her Dad and I like my breaks. I do plan to say that we need a specified drop off time though. I just don’t want to be a mean bitch because that’s when people get upset and quit making the efforts and the last thing I want is for my daughter to not get to see him.

I do feel bad about being nasty during her birthday party. That wasn’t the time for it but again, it could’ve been avoided had he made the payment days ago. I don’t withhold OUR child so I don’t appreciate him withholding the payment. I am just so tired of this. It’s not only financial abuse, it’s emotional. It’s like he wants to hold onto whatever control he has for as long as possible until he decides to be reasonable and until that stops, there’s always going to be drama.

As much as I feel bad about being a bitch yesterday and it definitely wasn’t the right time, I definitely wanted to make it super clear that if she’s lying to me or lying for him that it needs to stop now. I have to be able to trust someone in this and it’s never going to be him so it’s going to be her or it’s going to be her. I don’t need her to lose her credibility. So I do hope by sending the screenshots of the emails from the caseworker leaves it’s mark in her brain that the lies have to stop immediately. I also hope that mentions it to him that the lies have to end because it could affect them being able to take her.

She said something to me the other night about enrollment about maybe he could fill it out and have me mail it. The only way that would work is if he fills it out, has it notorized and then puts my address on it because otherwise if he gets checks that are intended for my daughter I’ll never see them. I don’t know when I plan to mention even that again after yesterday when she said, “you’ll get your money” and I’m also getting really tired of people trying to make me feel greedy for wanting him to help financially support his child here but that’s gotten pretty fucking old as well.

It’s like everyone fails to see him for the deadbeat that he is. I also am very irritated that he’s always lived off a female. It’s like he needs a Mommy. Yeah he made a CS payment but because the girlfriend was on him to do it. The only reason he’s been seeing his daughter and spending time with her is because the girlfriend has money and a car. This is HER doing, not his. He’s always had a woman to take care of him. I highly doubt that he would’ve made such efforts for her birthday unless his girlfriend would’ve pushed to take her. He’s never taken her for days until now.

There’s a lot that I need to work through and I am going to take a few days to straighten out my feelings and make sense of all this. I know that I didn’t behave the right way yesterday but I can say that I didn’t completely go off the deep end like I would’ve 10 years ago. I do plan to apologize and I know that I wasn’t completely wrong for it because I know she lied to me, I just feel bad about my timing.

There’s a lot of residual hurt and sadness on my end that I need to deal with, I just need to figure out how. I’m really struggling with how he wasn’t around all these years and then decides to threaten me with court?! The fact that I don’t withhold his child and I can allow this woman to be around her and them take her far away for days at a time but he still withholds child support? Help me understand this shit?! The abuse needs to end now.

So I have no reason to believe that he’s going to get a job because he’s already been there for too long not working riding the gravy train and that’s what he’s used to that he’ll fuck this up being selfish and stubborn. She’s going to end up sending him back and then I don’t know what I’ll end up having to tell my kid because even though he’ll be right down the street, he’ll go back to the same life of drinking and sleeping all day so he won’t worry about being a Dad.

The ass wiper with money will no longer be a thing so I hope he enjoys this while it lasts. I’m sure he just wasn’t expecting her to get burnt out as fast as she has and that it was going to be a thing longer until she said something. I’m definitely glad that she said something this soon though. He’s only been down there about 6 weeks and I don’t think they knew each other long before he moved down there so that probably helped her realize things quicker. I still believe the job he had here was just to help throw off her judgment and make her think he wasn’t as much of a piece of garbage as he actually is. I’m sure he didn’t want her to think that she was just moving in a fucking bum but that’s exactly what she did.

I’m just going to be mindful of that fact that she doesn’t know just how bad he’s treated me and it’s not her fault. She’s actually done more to help than anyone on his end than the rest of them. I do need to go easy on her. I know that she’s not my friend but she’s not my enemy either. I do hope that it works out for them and she can keep him accountable for his daughter. I really need for things to reach a good place and stay there. I think with her involvement that we could get there.

I just hope that he realizes how much better off he would be to just get a job because it would get everyone off his job. It would shut everyone up and even if it doesn’t work out with her, he would have the money to get out on his own. He wouldn’t have to keep trying to find free rides and could have choices. I’d like to see him become a responsible, healthy decent guy. I just know that if he ends up back around his family, he’s never going to climb back out. He wasn’t able to to before and he’ll just go downhill. I don’t want that for him. Those people are fucking toxic, always begging him for money and made sure he never had any so he wouldn’t be able to ever get out on his own so that’s probably why he drank so much.

I just hope that he plans to just get a real job and not be selfish and stubborn because if he does, the gravy train will end. This girl doesn’t sound like she’s going to just put up with this shit for too much longer. People have their limits and it definitely sounds like she’s already about reached hers. I know that he probably wouldn’t mind coming back here because he misses drinking but that shit gets old in a hurry too.