credit in Second 1st

I had a bunch of papers on coping with anxiety from my last visit to the therapist. She’d asked me to look over them so we could talk about them next time. There is nothing in those papers that I haven’t tried but I had questions and cases for her for us to discuss. I hate scary movies.... exposure therapy won’t change that.... but maybe answering the door when I’m the only one home wouldn’t result in my murder.... I get it. When I’m not in the situation that is causing the irrational thoughts, they seem silly, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t relative in the moment. Just an example of something that causes me anxiety. .....

We talked about Meneire’s and scratched the surface of what I’ve gone through with that.... and we talked about Door Dash and how good it is for me....

Phrases I took away today.... “You are too hard on yourself.”.... and “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”..... I’m having a ton of trouble even thinking about what those mean. I straight up said “credit for what?” “You get up so early and you still work so hard even though it is difficult for you.” “Everyone does. Everyone gets up and does their job as they should. It’s a need. I do things because they have to be done. I don’t understand this credit. Credit for doing things I have to do? That everyone else also does? Do you give yourself credit?” “Yes.” “But what does that mean?”....

Jake laughed at me for practically arguing with my therapist .... but I’m serious. I’m somehow supposed to look at myself and say “You do a lot and you deserve X.” .... X is not within reach otherwise I’d have it. I deserve what I have because that’s what I’ve got. I do deserve more.... but it doesn’t come from some kind of credit. If it did I would have way more than I do now as I am a worker, I do more than I should have to. smh Where do I cash in on some of this “credit”?