Exposed in 2023
- July 3, 2023, 4:51 p.m.
- |
- Public
I had the worst Canada Day, ever. Ever.
I tried psyching myself up all day to walk the half block to the lake and take in the massive festivities like we did last year but … it wouldn’t be the same without you.
I stayed in with the dogs. I’m glad. The fireworks were insane for over an hour, even right out in the parking lot of our building. I had 150lbs of bulldog(s) in my lap most of the evening.
And then your brother and his girlfriend showed up at the door at 10pm. How the fuck did they know where we live?!
I was caught so off guard. I haven’t seen Jay since you died. The last time we saw him & Lei was at their place for their shared birthday your Mom put together - a month before you died. I remember being so pissed when just before we were going to cut their birthday cake, they both disappeared to their bedroom to shoot up first.
So yeah, imagine my surprise when I saw the two of them at the door .. high .. with three duffel bags, and Lei wearing one flipflop and one croc on her feet.
Last I had heard Jay was in jail, having OD’d shortly after you died, and then being locked up for breaching his probation. Fuck sakes, I was really hoping he would get clean (again) while in jail.
I guess not.
So I invited them in. I didn’t know what else to do. He is still your brother, and that makes him my brother too.
We chatted for a while, mostly about you. Then Lei asked to use the bathroom and I was like, yeah of course. So she grabbed one of her small bags and disappeared for 30 minutes. I should have known. She came back fried af.
Then Jay asked to use the bathroom and as he walked down the hall, I heard the clanking of little glass bottles in his pocket. I can’t believe these people are shooting up in my bathroom.
They told me they’d been kicked out of their place and had no where to stay. I kind of guessed that given the bags they had with them. I started frantically texting your Dad and sister, but it was after midnight and celebrations were just winding down so it took a while to hear back.
Your Dad told me to just kick them out. Not to let them stay, at all. They’re addicts, we all know it, we’ve all tried and are continuing to try to help Jay but they cannot stay with me.
It took me until almost 2am to get them out. They stuffed their pockets with kraft cheese slices and yogurt cups, and I gave Lei my pair of flip-flops to wear. Jay could barely put his shoes on he was so fucked up.
I was genuinely scared. In my own apartment. They know where I live, whats to stop them from coming back any time? And your Dad is literally one block down the street from us, why didn’t they go there?!
Am I overreacting? I know Jay would never ever ever hurt me, ever. But I don’t like addiction. This is my first experience with it and I don’t like it and I don’t want to be around it and I don’t want it in my house.
I have no fucking idea how to deal with this .. while still trying to figure out how to live without you. 3mos today. 3 entire months without you.
Fuck I miss you.
Jigger ⋅ July 03, 2023
No, no, no. Do not ever let them across your threshold again. No. That is fucking dangerous and it is not acceptable. Tell them flat out you cannot let them in, tell them you’re having a mental health crisis if you have to, but do not let them in. Never again.
~*Phoenix*~ Jigger ⋅ July 04, 2023
THEY CAME BACK LAST NIGHT!! I didn't let them in this time. Jay said he just needed to charge his phone to make a call and I was like, "sorry, now is not a good time." and turned off the intercom. Then I turned out all my lights and sat on the couch in silence. Yay, ground floor apartment. I waited over an hour to take the dogs out just in case. Wtf. Is this also my new life now?!?!
Jigger ~*Phoenix*~ ⋅ July 05, 2023
Jebus, I hope not. They remind me of another version of MFK’s ex-in-laws, who asked a couple of weeks ago if the could MOVE IN WITH US. I definitely have not been writing enough, but aside from the sheer horror of that prospect is the dumbfounding audacity after everything that’s gone on with them. I definitely need to write more.
I hope those people will not come back to you again. But people like that, even if they do get the message, do not have the grace to fuck off. Just bear in mind they have other people in their lives. They can charge their phones at their dealer’s house. They can charge their phones at a homeless shelter. Hell, they can charge their phones at a convenience store. What they’re really trying to do is get a foot in the door. Do not let them. This is a boundary you need to build with stone, and reinforce every, every time it is tested. Do not bend, not for a minute, not even when your heart is telling you it’s the right thing to do. It is not. I hate that I have to know things like this. And I hate that you have someone on the periphery of your life like this, too.
TrippyNina ⋅ July 05, 2023
Don't let them back in again. Stay safe.
I agree with everything Jigger said above!
Serin ⋅ July 14, 2023
I'm sorry you had to deal with that on top of everything. You did very well to get them out and keep them away.