Embers in Current Events

I feel like that fire in me is starting to go out. Perhaps I am just becoming numb to it. I’m not letting myself lose my momentum in being productive and proactive. Intention Deficit Disorder is the three magic words that are still motivating me. I’m the captain of this vessel. I have the self-awareness that I let myself get stuck waiting for myself to feel like it. To feel like doing anything. It is never going to happen which means that I have to parent myself and do the things that I don’t feel like doing. I’ve been very good at it for the mundane things but when it comes to creating big changes I am a lost cause. That is not even true, I have come a long way from where I have been. Slowly but surely.

I looked at my depressing work schedule for next week and it is just one single 6-hour shift. I was mentally prepared for it. I’ll pick up any shifts that are offered, of course. I am finally active in my job search. I did procrastinate. This situation is not hopeless. What is the opportunity here? I need to ask myself. I have a lot of time to work on my online projects. I am aiming to explore the Wild Wild Web and do my hustles online. It’s risky but I can afford to take risks. Like the kids graduating this month, I have no mortgages, spouses, kids, debts, or in-laws, to hold me back. Life hasn’t crushed their dreams yet, they can afford to take all the risks they want. Astrologically speaking, I would be in my purpose. It won’t be easy to get high success but I have time to try.

I can feel all of my insecurities bubbling up to the surface which is expected. I don’t actually want to leave my comfort zone but nothing ever grows there, I know that.

I spent the night at my mother’s house. She invited me over for dinner and a bonfire. She and her boyfriend invited me to go out to Heckla for a day when they are out there camping next. They want me to go kayaking with them. I have never done that so I am looking forward to it. It also just hit me how close my camping trip is with the girls. We go from the 6th to the 9th. I am adamant to have a hot girl summer even if it digs me into a little debt. I want to actually do things this summer, that’s all I’m saying. I regret not doing the most every single year. I start my class in September so I got to enjoy my freedom while I can.

I had to clean up the kitchen when I got home. My roommate left me her mess. She really is starting to regress. I don’t want to carry that stress today. I don’t know what to do with my day exactly. I’m winging it. I need structure so I will write down a to-do list and actually do it. Maybe. Anyway, on with it then.