Hard Pill to Swallow in Current Events

My day didn’t stand a chance. I woke up feeling crushed under my own dead weight. My first real thought of the day was about how I am at least being creative instead of destructive during this saga. Once again everything hangs in the balance for me. Once again I watch the rug get pulled out from under me. Once again my fate rests in somebody else’s hands. Once again I co-created it.

On Indeed I applied everywhere that I could that I qualified for. Now I have to wait and see what happens. I hate this part. It’s just more and more rejection. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was supposed to get that full-time position I applied for within my team but my supervisor robbed me of equal opportunity. The second time I applied it was clear that they are gatekeeping me from that opportunity. The third time it was obvious. The fourth time, well it wasn’t for full-time but for a part-time position at the location by my place, and I didn’t even get a call even though I was told I aced the last interview. It’s blatant at this point. This is a quiet firing. I’m unable to let this go. People on my team have been approached individually and offered full-time in other departments in the store. People who were hired after me. They’re not even trying to hide it. The district HR has received my claim about it but I haven’t heard from her. Whenever I think I’m over it, it comes back to sting like a fresh wound. My Scorpio Mars will not let this go until I get revenge. That must be what I want because I know that I can’t undo any of it. I at least want to hit back. I know exactly how to do that. Get the place unionized. Revenge takes a lot of energy. Just the idea of quitting feels like I am letting them win. (When I was robbed of that equal opportunity I went over everybody’s head and everybody got in trouble and now this is retaliation.)

I worked at a restaurant for 13 years and I never thought I would get over how that ended. I reported our Operations Manager’s predatory behaviour and after their investigation, they decided to relocate him like a priest, fire 20 of us, then bring him back. A lot of us got hurt because of my action there. It was not easy to move on from that.

Now I am aiming to become a naturopath. Here in Chinada, my government decided to target health foods and supplements and their regulations are going to crush Big Pharma’s competition which has only been growing since the scamdemic, funny how that works. This is the same government that has decided to stop regulating the gene editing on our food. They are now going to just take their word for it. These companies will no longer have to disclose if something is GMO or not. While everybody was falling for the submarine story, America approved lab-grown meat for the markets. They are literally talking about putting vaccines inside our food with gene editing. We are being set up to lose our health here. This is the medical inquisition. Big Pharma is the one world religion. The healthcare system is a painfully obvious system of priestcraft. Big pharma doesn’t cure diseases they create them. Symptoms are the cure, not the disease. Suppressing them creates all those disease states we all know and love because the body isn’t possessed by a virus when it expresses healing it is removing waste and repairing damage. The moral of the story is that I won’t win here either. This is another area where the rug is being pulled out from under me. My goals are becoming more and more out of reach for me.

So what do I do with my life now? I’ll still try to get my doctorate. I know what this government is and what this system is. We just need to learn how to operate our person. Says everyone that is working on their sovereign integrity. Even that feels naive because our politicians are employed to overthrow the Constitution completely. The law of the land isn’t going to be there once they win. Russia just had a civil war moment and now every citizen lost every single right that they had in response. Funny how that happens. Once we become global citizens there are no rights. The UN is very open about this. They are not interested in rights. They are only interested in global responsibility. Slavery. Of course, if you tell any of the normies this they will call you every name they can think of. Even though conspiracy theorists have been 10 or 10 since con-19 started. Biden just said that the new US dollar will be cryptocurrency. Social credit is around the corner. Those who invest in currency are very excited for that day because this will make instant millionaires.

I don’t think our psyche is designed to carry all of this. Ignorance would be bliss. I feel like Cypher in the Matrix movie. He wanted to blue pill and go back to sleep.

Yesterday I was a little lethargic because I drank the night before. I let myself be lazy. I ended up doom-scrolling on my phone until midnight. I am still working on my website, barely. I’m not satisfied with how it looks. I am also being nitpicky about the logo design. I also feel like my slogan is misleading. I created a few accounts on various social platforms for it as well. None of that matters right now. I can change it later. What I need to do is start making content for it. I need to write content for the site. I need to record content for the socials. It’s sitting in front of the camera that is hard and hearing my own voice which I’m insecure about BUT I can get over it. This is my goal for today. The trial one I did was cringe, of course. I let Bev look at it and she gave me her honest opinion that it was hard to watch because she could tell that I was nervous.

While I’m on this downward spiral, all of my insecurities about my physical appearances get to bother me as well. This is always a good time. I fell asleep thinking about how I should start doing yoga because I’m a feeble old man now.

Whatever. I don’t want to spend the day wallowing. I just needed to air this out. I’m just thrown for a loop because I thought I would have had a shift today. I always look at my schedule at the last second because it’s always a stressor. I have today and the next two days off. At least my roommate isn’t home. The opportunity I have is to work on my project and apply for work opportunities. It’s hard when things aren’t in your control.

A lot of what I need for this website project is not free. I’ll have to invest a bit. I am so tired of money being a problem. There is also some software I discovered that some writers use that I want to check out. I wish I was a better writer. At this point, I think I just need to be more well-read. Whatever. It’s time to move on with my day and not my depression and my Intention Deficit Disorder win. I’m the captain of this vessel.