Dream Some in Things That I'm Grateful For

My former professor, a great friend and mentor, sent me a message a few mornings ago. She told me that she had had a dream about me. I must be honest, I don’t receive messages like that very often. I’m not sure many people dream of me, but the fact that someone I greatly respect and admire did actually makes me feel good. It means I still matter to her.

I took me some time to come to that realization because I pondered the contents of the dream for a little bit.

‘omg i had a dream about you last night.
you had two sons - one caucasian and one indonesian. they were young - both under 3.,
you looked great....they were super cute. we hung out for a while. you were a single dad, fairly overwhelmed, but clearly a great dad.’

At first, I found it amusing that anyone’s imagination would cast me as something as wholesome as a parent. But as I’ve gone about my work, I realized that’s not so far off. I’m actually fairly certain that I’d be a decent parent, mostly because the chasm that supposedly exists between myself and children is exaggerated, mostly by me. I don’t think I’d be perfect, but I don’t think it would be the cataclysmic experienced that I thought it might have been in my twenties.

But as forty approaches, I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed.

As the dream lived in my head for longer, I realized how awesome it was. It meant that, despite having not seen Lorena since 2015, I’m a presence in her life nonetheless. Rarely does one dream about something they’ve forgotten. Usually, my dreams are about the quotidian minutiae that doesn’t really weigh heavily in reality upon me.

So I don’t matter, but I’m there. I think that’s all I can realistically hope for.