I hate everyone. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I really spent much of my day feeling pretty anxious and crying my eyes out. I’m just so depressing and angry about my life and how it’s turned out this way. I picked up my daughter and got her dinner where she played for a couple of hours. She came home, played on her phone and went to bed. She had a pretty long day and I’m glad she’s home.

My brother said a couple of days ago she could come over tonight but I didn’t hear from him until like an hour ago. I know if I would’ve asked there would have been some excuse and I would have just ended up angry. I’m sure the only reason he asked if I was bringing her is because they want me to take their kid tomorrow night but I’m going to let him know when he’s ready to watch my kid so I can go out and live a little then I’ll watch his.

I never heard back from douchebag and I ended up actually blocking that number. He can just enjoy his money going to Minneapolis and enjoying himself kid free like he’s been for the past 6 years while I sit here struggling with mental health because I don’t ever get to plan anything unless she comes along. He’s never had to worry about taking her with him anywhere for finding a sitter or even checking in on her. Poor little victim.

So tomorrow, we’re going to get up, do breakfast and have the next 3 days hanging out by ourselves like we always do. It’s always been like this and it’s going to stay like this until she’s old enough to be home by herself. Such is life.

It really pisses me off that I can’t reach my CS lady but I realize that it’s probably best to just accept all of this for what it is. I’ll never see any money anyways. He’s more than likely working under the table and there’s no sense in trying to bleed a fucking turnip. I just need to try and find a job and get things in order. Let him live his life and I’m going to live mine. No point in trying to change anything in regards to him, all I can do is change myself.

I’m not going to try and reach her anymore and I won’t be filing a federal complaint. I’m just going to let the pieces fall where they may. All I have to rely on is me and that’s alright I’ve gotten myself in a good place before and I’ll do it again. I’ll be alright.

So my back is killing me and I’m going to try and get some sleep. More tomorrow.