Memoirs of Marginalized Health Advocates in My New Life

Revised: 06/19/2023 4:20 a.m.

  • June 18, 2023, 4 a.m.
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  • Public

By the time I was 13 I was 200 pounds and depressed. I ordered tacos from Taco Bell with no lettuce; just meat and cheese, and sweet cereal for breakfast. I was bullied and belittled by my brothers. By 15 I had taken on the challenge of changing my life. I would jog my hilly, country one lane road in Kentucky before I left for school in the mornings. I would stretch and touch my toes every night before I journaled and slept. I would not be counted out. I would be an athlete. I would be a snowboard instructor by age 16.

Diet and exercise were not a part of any of my family’s lifestyles. Mom always wanted to eat healthier, but dad didn’t support it and wasn’t satisfied with dinners that did not consist of a 85% meat and maybe some frozen vegetables in a pot pie.

Becoming a vegetarian was easy for me. I turned 18 and never looked back. One of the best parts of my life was plant-based and still is. I have found in my numerous health conversations and debates a lot of folks associate good times at grandma’s house with the smell of honey ham roasting in the oven. I was lucky in this faucet because meat reminds me of being bullied, aggressive verbal fights, heckling and all the things I left when turned 18.

By 22 I had began my yoga journey including a plant-based diet. I had gone through a complete metamorphosis from the person I was at 13. Back then I was a lethargic, television and snack food junky. But at 22 I was a rocket ship. I had a jet engine. I would wake up and spend as much time outdoors, baking in the sun, kayaking, jogging, night walks through the woods, go go go. And actually it was not a metamorphosis. I was becoming the person I was when I was a young child. Excited by life, enthralled with nature and animals and the magic of being alive. The person I was when I was 13 was a poisoned version of myself with bad food, and negative psychology. When I shed myself of those things it was pure magic and serenity.

I saw my sister today for the first time in 6-8 months. I would not have recognized her if I had passed her in public. She is morbidly obese, and in a danger zone. She came over to mom’s while I was there to have my mother check her for ticks in places she can’t see on herself. Previously I had attempted to convert my family to my new found lifestyle and “radical” beliefs about diet and exercise. My life was/is so amazing that I had to share. I tried teaching yoga, nutrition and more or less positive psychology. One of my greatest changes was changing how I thought, my priorities and goals. For instance, when I woke up I may have had a million things to do that day but my one thought was that I had to break a sweat that day or my day was not completed. Then, whilst I was sweating my thoughts changed from “counting down until it was over” to “What else is there really to do? I may as well just stay in this state and get ahead for my next session.”

My family didn’t take my change too well. They saw it more as an attack on them, their lifestyles and beliefs and they took it as a challenge to prove me wrong and attack my character if they ever see the chance. They preferred the 13 year old version of me that was depressed and dealt with their abuses in a quiet, self destructive manner (namely with food.) Part of my psychology change was growing a back bone and being able to draw a line and bucking up when I’m being pushed around. I learned that from the Greeks. Maintaining a healthy ego is normal. Being pushed around and never standing up for yourself is unhealthy. Greeks talk about that difference in cultures from Europe to America. Europeans will get into your personal habits. In America it’s super taboo which I am experiencing now. My mother who is in fantastic shape for 63 and who fixed me a flaxseed, spinach and fruit smoothie this morning. She has since divorced my father, and eats all the healthy food she wants now. She still gets upset for my sister when I talk about my sister’s weight. She says “It shouldn’t affect you. It’s not your business.” It does affect me. It affects one’s choices in mates. 5 of my 7 immediate family members are obese. A person marries into a family. Our family gatherings are shaped by this. When I go on vacation I go to yoga studios, surfing, snowboarding, play tennis and go hiking. But with a big family there is always some family event I have to take time off work to go to or I’ll be shamed if I miss and my character will be attacked if I’m not there to put on a strong representation. This is a big difference in European ideology and American Individualism. The individual’s personal choices and habits do affect their family and network. If I bring health food to a work function potluck where few eat healthy then I am cast into a “weird, or different from us” category: resentfully “that perfect family who has it all together.” If I am affected by those choices I reserve the right to make a comment about it if anything just to cleanse myself of their psychology. Normality is subject to the majority, and I refuse to allow someone to shove the Fast Food Nation’s psychology into me as “normal.” The same “normal” the poisoned 13 version of me had shoved into him. Shove it back with a yoga posture, and and Forks Over Knives reference.


Last updated June 19, 2023


TL June 25, 2023

I've always been too thin. One day I decided to commit to gaining weight so that I could be the weight I was in high school. My deadline was to achieve this by my 30th birthday. I succeeded in this by consuming as much garbage as possible. I felt like shit and looked worse. When I turned 30 I looked around at everyone else my age and they couldn't run, they couldn't shit, and they couldn't breathe. I decided to clean up my act. I quit smoking, I eventually went vegan that year also. These choices made everyone else insecure. I was the butt of all jokes and I was okay with that. It motivated me to keep going.

I have accepted that not everybody is a victim. Most of them have weak characters and make bad choices. I learned that through myself. No amount of advice will inspire them to change so I just got to do me and hope that adds value.

Zampano TL ⋅ June 25, 2023

Bravo. There is a small informational documentary called Raw For Life by The Tree Of Life and David Avocado Wolfe and it states that plant-based (raw, in this case) diets balances out both ends of the spectrum (i.e. too small or too big) and helps the body find equilibrium. I had the rare opportunity to study under one of David Wolfe's friends and Rawest-Yogi there near The Tree of Life in Patagonia Arizona. Shekhena was her Yogic name.

I think most folks are able to move-on past the weak characters you mentioned. It drove my curiosity wild and mad that I can sit there and perform an advanced (double black diamond, if you will) yoga posture and say "Plant-based" to someone who, like you said, can't shit and can't run, and they will buckle down harder to prove you wrong, categorize you in some pigeonhole and attack your character. I had to find out (which one day may be my demise.) In my search I have landed on a few explanations a.) It's a personality disorder or DSM-5 High-Conflict Narcissism (i.e. they can never win that game because they can never give up meat or change their lifestyles yet they are "better than you".) b.) So much of the economy is based in livestock and medicine and the current bourgeoisie made it there through those industries (i.e. it's just easier to be sick rather than dismantling an entire bourgeoisie. "Don't care; physical health is sour grapes". c.) One can't let go of one's culture. "I can't believe my father and grandmother were poisoning me like this crazy hippie says they are." lololol.

TL Zampano ⋅ June 25, 2023

I rumble with that curiosity all of the time. I’ve been on the other side and I remember what I experienced when I witnessed somebody living a lifestyle that I did not agree with that was higher than my own. Narcissism is not separate from anyone, it was just cognitive dissonance that I was experiencing. The shame I felt internally felt like an attack from the outside. This made it easy to focus on the messenger instead of the message. I did the usual character attacks because I wasn’t stupid if they were stupid. I carried a kindergarten view of absolutely everything.

There is a war on sense making. Discernment is not intrinsic it is developable like a skill and were not taught how to use it. We have offloaded it to the policy makers, the media, the $cientists, etc. All we are doing is consuming our own information biases, identity biases, and emotional biases. It requires a spiritual approach where one can put down a perspective and try on another. We are unable to process multiple viewpoints in working memory anymore.

I can go on and on. Eventually I will if I ever get around to podcasting. There is a lot in the way of people acting in their own best interests. What I boil it down to is them being cognitively and emotionally hijacked. The internal work they need to go through is not for everybody. One has to die a thousand times. When one fundamental belief structure dies the mind has to go through all stages of grief before it can accept it. It’s a dark night of the soul and the ego knows it. Demonic possession (ego) if you will.

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