11st in Hey, buddy, got a light?

My birthday is on friday. The day I never wanted to be here, is almost here, man. I uh..I can't put much more else into words on the subject. Thanks for all your notes, chances are I probably will provide those of you who've offered to send me smokes, with a mailing address. It's funny, a long time ago on OD, an older woman who lived in the same state as me became very taken with me and my way of 'writing'. She ended up sending me a box of See's fudge one year. Too bad it had nuts in it. Mom got it while I was at work and thought, of all things, it was a gift from a stripper.

Lets be honest with one another-, I know I know you hate it, but if we can't be honest, what can we be, hm? I'm going to kill myself. Not anytime soon, mind you, but it has to happen. I mean when your every waking thought it consumed with that shit. Did I mention the only person to express an interest in my dick is an acquaintances dad? Yeah, just outta the blue this faggot asks if he can blow me. I don't remember if I told you that or not. Anyway..thats not as big a part in wanting to kill myself as you might think. The bigger picture is that I'm just not meant to be happy. Complacent? Sure. Content? Possibly. Happy? No. I don't wanna jam a knife into my neck, that shit would hurt, and I already did a practice run, you have any idea how hard you'd have to press using even a really sharp knife? DON'T ANY OF YOU GET ANY FUCKING IDEAS ABOUT NARC'ING ON ME AGAIN. YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHATS THATS LIKE? GETTING A CALL FROM THE COPS AND THEN FROM YOUR BOSS ASKING IF YOU'RE GOING TO HURT YOURSELF OR ANYONE ELSE?

Sorry about that, tiger got outta the cage there for a moment huh? I'm supposed to get some major scrillah from WinHo in 2015, so...theres that as a reason to stay alive for the time being. Also S5 is coming up too..and..you know, the ride never ends, yadda yadda hey.

OK, so if I want my birthday smokes to arrive here on time, I figure I'll leave my address with some of you kind folks now. I'll accept cigarettes, money, clothing and- 17: PONY ITEMS 10: BEAST WARS FIGURES ..N-no..none of that. 17: Get aload of this fag..all 'normal' an shit. 10: I know right, what a john everyman.

..Anyway, off to drop addresseses and answer notes from people who still care about me even though they should'nt.