Life in General musings

What’s life like now? Quiet, mostly. Both hub and I are retired. F still sporadically attempts to contact me. Through messenger and texts. I never respond. I don’t know that I have really dealt with the “loss” of him, or at least the dream of him. In some ways, I feel like much of my adult life was a sham. Pouring love into a vacant shell. I question whether I truly loved him; have I ever actually loved? After him, I think I just went numb and have stayed that way. So much of my life involved him, and with him “erased”, much of my life seems erased too. But I do not miss him, and I’d never go back to him. The last go-round was so bad, so toxic. And postmenopausally, I have a much- diminished sex drive, and “him” without sex? Completely intolerable.