My theory. in Since OD is shutting down....

We had a pretty uneventful weekend this time and I apologized to my daughter for it. I always feel bad when we having nothing going on. It’s like we either have too much going on or not enough. There’s no happy medium. She went to bed on time last night and was super sweet this morning and definitely ready to get back to school. I’m going to do a load of laundry and maybe sit down to fill out that paperwork and have that ready to mail.

I never did hear back from him last night. I was thinking more about him thinking I want to be together and it’s like if that was true, doesn’t he think all of this would have turned out a completely different way? I have always heard that I want to be with so I would say 80% of the reason I’ve had to no contact is to prove him wrong. I have also chosen to be a single Mom all these years over being with him because the guy is a fucking mess. All he’s ever done is drink, go out, play video games, and just worry about his freedom. There was no way I was going to find myself caught up in his bullshit because my happiness is my daughter’s happiness.

One of the things about narcs is they want you to be so caught up in them and the drama they bring that you don’t focus on anything else. I know that he wanted me to be caught up in the drama and stress that he brings that I didn’t care about anything. He’s very bitter because none of this panned out the way he wanted. He had a totally different vision built up in his head on how this shit was gonna go and none of it went that way at all. I know there’s plenty of baby Mommas that put up with more than they should and even though I put up with a lot, I didn’t put up with as much as he wanted.

This guy is nothing but drama and chaos and was pissed because I didn’t feed in like he wanted me to. My focus has always been my daughter and he couldn’t stand it because he couldn’t get me where he wanted me to be. If he would have moved in, nothing would have gotten better. It would have still been him sleeping all day, staying up all night and all the responsibility would have still been on me. I could have sat around for years taking care of him waiting for him to maybe get a job and I wasn’t going to do that. If he couldn’t do it living off that girl or his sister, there’s NO WAY he would have done it living with us. I would have just been supporting a grown ass man that has absolutely no interest in doing anything productive.

I’m really proud of myself for not letting him trigger me this time around and the fact that I have been able to keep my anger in check. I also haven’t said one word on that girl being around our child because I’m not going to be like him. He’s always said he doesn’t want men around his kid but he brings some girl that I’ve never met around her. For him to dictate who’s around our child is also dictating who’s around me. I’m not like that at all, I just hope that whoever he is bringing around our child is a safe adult. That’s all I ask.