Guilt in 2023
- May 21, 2023, 10:55 p.m.
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- Public
The guilt is still crushing. I had one job … one. To take care of you. And I failed. I blame myself. I should have seen the signs. I should have forced you to the doctor, that was my fucking job …
I’m supposed to take care of the house & us, you’re supposed to go to work and take care of the finances. It was simple. And I fucking failed.
I keep cleaning and recleaning and washing things … I keep taking care of the house but you’re not here anymore … I can’t take care of “us” … I’m so lost.
I’m having a hard time checking in with your family. I blame myself for you death. I was here. They weren’t. You were beside me when you died, not them. I saw you every single day and should have known … they couldn’t have.
They must be so disappointed in me. First I couldn’t take care of you, then I can’t even be their daughter-in-law and grieve properly. Everything is such a mess and so confusing.
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