"I'll rant as well as thou" Hamlet; Act V, Scene I in The Secret Writings of Eros: Book 3- Fallout, Pain, Acceptance, and Perseverance

I shall assume the position to deflect and dodge derision and disdain for this. And while the wording is, perhaps, overdramatic, the sentiment is not. For I have discussed similar topics in my vanilla journal and have been truly quite expertly lambasted. So, we shall tackle that expectation at present and move on.

IF you are using the Dating Apps at all; you have encountered scammers, bots, and the like. I acknowledge my limitations; as I am not bi-sexual nor homosexual, I have no knowledge of what those seeking men encounter on apps. I have heard from them that they experience scammers, bots, and the like and I have no reason to doubt their assertion. I simply cannot speak to it, nor compare it adequately to my own experiences.
Further, I am forced to confess a truth that, apparently, offends many who hear it. While it is exceptionally well known that women “swipe right rarely”, I find myself being relegated to the realm of men who must ‘swipe right” 200 times or more for a single match. The number 200 was not settled on randomly; that is a genuine statistic shared through Magazine Shows discussing these things. If you look to the three most desirable features of a man on most dating sites? Between 21 and 30; taller than 6 feet; fit or conventionally attractive. So, roughly (what they figure) around 10% of those using dating apps. I’ve heard it go as HIGH as 20% but the most common statistic is 10%. But, let’s even go with the 20%. That means that 80% of men on dating apps are averaging 200 “right swipes” for every 1 match. And, again, that’s MATCH… that’s not “date” or “conversation” or “relationship.” That’s just the simple act of another human being selecting them in the cacophony of options.

I set this stage this way for a reason. I was once discussing my experience and encounters with bots/scammers on these dating apps, and a young woman who had VERY LITTLE trouble gaining interest from the opposite sex judged me quite harshly for “being matched with scammers and bots.” WELL Judgement Barbie with real working Narcissism (Delusions of Grandeur sold separately), when you have to average 200 positives for 1 in return? Discernment falls to three categories (1) Does this look like someone unhinged enough to try to kill me? (2) Does this look like someone who can or would physically harm me? (3) Is there anything in this picture or profile that excites me even a little? RIGHT SWIPE.
So yes. There are many times where I will see a Profile with only one picture and very little information. There are, quite sincerely, millions of those on Dating Profiles. And very sincerely I know for a fact NOT all of them are scammers or bots! So, yes. It does happen that I will “select” and get a match and NOT know instantly it is a scammer.

If we are JUST talking about Scammers and not BOTS, my three favorite stories are as follows:
(1) Multiple pictures, a very interesting profile about travel and music. Sure, a younger woman that bordered between ALT and EMO but, fuck, that’s a look I can get behind! I swiped. She swiped. I reached out. I was excited to get the match and wanted to talk to her about her travels and music. I suppose, in a way, so did she. Her only response to my messages was that (a) she wasn’t looking to date anyone; (b) she was mostly a lesbian anyway; but (c) her band’s van broke down, so she was using the Dating Apps to try to find people who would buy pictures of her feet, so they could earn enough money to fix the van. Well… no thank you. But thank you for the honesty.
(2) A woman that, yeah, was certainly too attractive for her mutual swipe to make sense but then again… I am an older gentleman with at least some means… gold digger in training? Spoke to her. She liked Anime and Video Games and Comic Books and was a delight to nerd out with. She said she had only bought a limited App subscription ending that night, so send her a message on Insta! (Cue me: the fucking idiot). She was a Twitch/OF/Cam girl looking to build a following. Didn’t even live in the State her profile said. Never returned a message.
(3) Recently a woman from an app… made sense. She was older. She looked even older than her listed age. But still attractive. Still feminine and beautiful but… not your 20-something hunting OF Fame. More like your late 30 something that would be looking to settle down, or so I thought. AND hey- IOWA! Finally a woman within my own damned state! We spoke a bit and she asked that I message her on Insta because she found the Dating App scene too skeezy of late. Certainly something I can understand! So, sure. To Insta. To discover… well, apparently even women in their late 30s can be fame-whores. She was actually a South American living in South America looking for more “fans and exposure in the States.” Mother fucker.

So, yeah. There are some things I do now KNOWING the likelihood of a scammer or bot. Like on FaceBook Dating. If the “SHE LIKES YOU” leads to a stunning Asian woman who looks thin or fit and in her 20s where most of her photos are CLEARLY taken in Asian locales? Y’know, as nice as it would be to think that someone like that could be interested in me? I don’t buy it. I don’t even engage those profiles anymore. Fun dream but silly. AND no, I don’t care if they do say they are in Ackworth, Iowa. I used to represent Asians living in the state. A town of LESS THAN 120 people in this state is NOT somehow solely populated by Asian Models hoping to find a doughy local boy! Though I will admit, if reluctantly, the idea of “This woman is too attractive to like me therefore must be a Bot” is quite the unfortunate self-esteem/self-assessment to have to live with and embrace. Particularly when coupled with everything else. On one hand? The history of women saying “You’re… not worth it.” The longevity of my frequent and repeated droughts of physical touch of any kind. On the other? The requirement that I believe “This woman is too attractive to want me. Therefore, this must be a scam.” In short, then, on both hands… words of cutting, of esteem lowering.

Then we look to SnapChat. lol.
I am solicited by unknown people on SnapChat hourly!! HOURLY! Some of these people, I know. I got some great Political Content Snaps today from many people. My primary rule with SnapChat is, if I don’t know FOR SURE that I know them already.... I will only accept their friend request if they have a First Name and a Surname. And that… often still bites me as scammers and bots.... but not always. Wound up talking to a lovely person in Southern California worried about the atmospheric rivers! And hell, if I refused any and all contact with people I didn’t know in person… I’d never have spoken in any way to anyone on Prosebox. And I am quite glad I did! But still… the expressly SEXUAL spammers, scammers, and bots are… ridiculously god damned fucking aggressive on Snap!! Seriously, I can scarce put to words how aggressive and incessant they are.

So, as opposed to simply clicking IGNORE on 9 dozen requests a day… and instead of reporting each and every one as I used to do… a thought came to me. I am preparing for Shakespeare. Let’s have fun with these bots. I mean… my other social avenues have been exceptionally mute of late, I could use the social stimulation even of this type, and it could be fun to fuck around with a bot for a minute. I said yes to TWO and only TWO. I have since had, in a manner of moments, nigh on 2 dozen messages from each.

A SAMPLE
KELLY DAY
(Her)
(Me)
(Her): I’m telling you something are you free?
(Me): ‘hullo!
(Her): I want to tame personally I want you
Image of attractive Latinx woman between the ages of 19 and 27 fully clothed but breasts hanging out
(Me): “Ah! A tempting offer, truly. I wish you well, but can trust not such excellent fruit for it is well established that such knowledge of deep and unabiding pleasure would lead to the folly of man!
(Her): “Baby are you horny I’m a single girl. looking for fun with a real man. if you really want to meet me, please contact my telegram (AT LINK)
Sends short video of same Latinx girl slowly taking off her shirt
(Me): I feel like you are not listening to me, and merely responding in kind as a lark to a whistle
(Her): How much you to fuck me I want to communicate with you, but 1 condition that I can not add you to my persy video call profile This is my personal video chat and application profile that I promised you (LINK)
Still Photo of same Latinx girl naked from waist up (good tattoos and a cut stomach!)
(Me): While I would be flattered had this any signs of a legitimate conversation; you consistently establish that this is, at best, a bot. Which, of all things most, concerns me that you may be using the photos/videos/gifs of someone else. Misrepresenting yourself. Ultimately, a good stab to manipulate a single and/or horny bloke but a despicable thing to do in general. (THIS WAS THE LAST THING I SENT.... IN RAPID SUCCESSION I RECEIVED THE FOLLOWING):
(Her): If you are a real man, get to my telegram (LINK) I am waiting for you at my secret link (LINK) just give me your address (LINK) Baby you first click on my telegram link and go to the page go to my personal profile create an account with your gmail verify your gmail send me your screenshot and I will talk to you on video call
(Short video of same Latinx Girl in a towel jumping until the towel falls away exposing her naked body)
Today my room is empty (Winky Emoji) I’m looking for a fucking partner, you can make love with me then you join my telegram (LINK) I’m just scared to talk about here. and all the snapshots are fake. I’m not talking to you. You come to my personal profile. I want to talk to you directly It’s completely free for you (LINK) I’m not wearing any underwear. Looks like I’ve lost them all
(Still image from previous short video, still from when the towel drops exposing her naked body)
Baby you joke I can not find you on my profile if you have sex with me than come on my profile and find (LINK) Join my telegram profile and check my email and send me a screenshot, I will send you 5 naked otherwise I’m leaving your snapchat
(Short video from earlier… the still image of her naked cut upper body)
I’m taking on myself right now. in places you would not know. I’m always alive Username is (LINK) my service is FREE no CC card required. let me know about your mail check (LINK) Baby I cannot find you. Maybe Gmail has a problem. Try another new gmail and you’ll find me soon. I’m waiting for you live.
(short video of her nude body top half and rear end)
I want you to fuck me until we wake up the neighbors (LINK)
I’m horny and I need sex… will you sleep with me (LINK, LINK, LINK)
(Short video from earlier… the still image of her naked cut upper body, this time ending with a cute smile)
Get up and fuck me. Yes, Dad, give me every last drop of your delicious cum (LINK)
I’m not going to be able to keep sending you messages (LINK) Why did you stop (LINK) My parents are almost home, come find me soon (LINK) If you pay $1 now you can access my entire video library and I will talk to you for free!! Call me (LINK)

SO THAT WAS JUST ONE. And yeah. When I stopped talking to when those texts AT me ended was… less than 40 minutes!! But I’ll speak more about the content after I share the other example. Because, I’ll admit it… a super sexy Latinx woman under 30? I have a REALLY hard time believing she would have any interest in me.... even if this weren’t an obvious bot! This other one?? Well… whether wishful thinking or honest… at least seemed like a more realistic option.

OH SNAP! I went to go check, because I still had SNAP up to help me transcribe more directly and… PROFILE DELETED, CONVERSATION GONE. So… with apologies… I will recreate to the best of my memory:

A SAMPLE
LISA TANNER
(Her)
(Me)
(Her): Hey baby! Are you lonely tonight? Feeling bored at all? (Winky Emoji)
Still image of a “nerd girl” in her late 20s to late 30s… pale, thin in some places, chubby in others, dark hair, glasses. Kind of… entirely my type. Wearing a thin white negligee, slightly pulled up to just barely show a bit of ass cheek)
(Me): I must say, had this the slightest inkling of authenticity, I dare say I would not only be flattered and flummoxed, I would be incredibly tempted! If I were to admit to such a thing as a “type” I would certainly be required to admit that the image you shared is as close an approximation as I’ve seen in some time. Alas, I shall endeavor forth under the all but certain notion that this is not only not meant to be… but not even an actual person I am sending words towards.
(Her): Oh, baby I think you’ll like what I want to show you and I know I’m going to like showing it to you. It’s totally free. Go to my telegram (LINK)
(short video of the same woman lifting the negligee higher, the sheer fabric doesn’t exactly HIDE anything, but the act of raising it to expose what was already mostly seen does have an erotic air to it.
(Me): Whether this is AI or not; at least you use better sentence structure. But by my troth, I would swear that you are not listening nor interacting with what I am actually saying.
(Her) Baby I’m horny and im lonely i need you to come check out my profile on telegram (LINK)
(longer short video of her removing the entire negligee)
(Me): While I would be flattered had this any signs of a legitimate conversation; you consistently establish that this is, at best, a bot. Which, of all things most, concerns me that you may be using the photos/videos/gifs of someone else. Misrepresenting yourself. Ultimately, a good stab to manipulate a single and/or horny bloke but a despicable thing to do in general. (THIS WAS THE LAST THING I SENT.... IN RAPID SUCCESSION I RECEIVED THE FOLLOWING):
(Her): bebay I know you’re going to like what i want to show you. don’t you want to get fucked, i know i do. BAD! you have to see my profile (LINK)
(short video of same girl grabbing the cell phone and going into the shower, the camera capturing the naked breasts and stomach)
you don’t even need to use your real gmail, just make a new one and come to my profile (LINK) and find me i need you
(Short video of same girl in shower, now with water trickling down her body- the camera catching her breasts, stomach and vaginal area)
im so horny and just need something sweet and hard and fun, don’t you want that
(Short video picks up where the last one ends, but now- with free hand- she is cupping her vagina)
please come find my profile i enjoy it so much more when i know a man like you is enjoying my body wouldn’t you like to fuck me come see my profile (LINK)
(Short video picks up where the last one ends, but now- with free hand- she is inserting her middle finger into her vagina)

SO A COUPLE OF THINGS HERE

First and foremost- remember… I DIDN’T SEARCH FOR THIS, SOLICIT THIS, REQUEST THIS, or CONSENT TO THIS. This talk, these images, and these videos are being sent to me… in a spam manner, without my consent, without me verifying my age. So that right there should be a kind of maybe SUPER warning to parents of children. I would certainly hope there is already a way that SnapChat is protecting kids from this kind of thing but… I think I’d actually be more surprised if they were protecting kids from this crap. So, just as far as Internet Outrage, I think this is a solid place to start.

Second, I will thoroughly admit that this isn’t healthy for me from/for a very specific point. See… I still see on Prosebox all the time, in life all around me, on TV… bloody everywhere… apparently women have reached a time in our history where they are having as much or as little sex as they want. Period. Want to shag someone but you don’t really fancy them? For a woman- bang on, sister, that’s empowerment. Miss the love of your life, but he’s back to visit for the holidays- so you have a steamy, passionate 7 day affair of romance and fucking before he tells you he’s married and leaves? Well, YOU didn’t do anything wrong and GOOD ON YOU, sister! Feeling insecure after a break up/divorce/life change and find yourself on Tinder? Line up a different date for each night of the week, fuck each and every one of them, and tell all of them you aren’t calling them back because you just didn’t “feel it.” Feeling especially alternative? Greet your man by tying yourself naked to a chair… have an abundance of implements on the table next to you, including blindfolds, impact toys, and plenty of lube… and as soon as he comes through the door tell him that you’ve been a good girl and want Master to eat you and use you at his pleasure. Enjoy a slightly different dynamic? Then how about waking up your boyfriend and your male roommate wearing leather dominatrix gear and a riding crop. Tell them that they have to earn a special release that morning and alternate between them eating you, fucking your ass/cunt/mouth and you pegging them until YOU’VE had enough! That’s some mighty fine feminine sexual expression!
And here’s the thing, dear reader… all of those scenarios either came out of other people’s entries from Prosebox, what friends/colleagues/strangers have mentioned aloud in real life in the last three months, or what friends/PB users have said they are planning to do in the next month. So, while I can’t say for certain any of those actually happened? NONE of those came from Porn. And seeing, well… so many people, admittedly women especially, enjoying the hell out of their sex life? Being solicited (even by bots)? It just… no, I don’t want it to go back to the “Good Old Days” where consent wasn’t even considered and men essentially raped women or “convinced them” through force, coercion, and alcohol. I do NOT want those days back. But with my history? Fuck… the ex-wife that refused sex for years at a time has, what in all respects, would be considered a healthy, frequent, and regular sex life! The hyper sexual FWB that surprised me at my place with an exceptionally erotic display, who needs to have at least 4 fuck options at a time? WELL… after around 3 times over 5 months… it just… wasn’t “worth it” anymore. And frankly? I don’t know how to feel about the Essen thing. Because I would never have wanted to coerce her. But she was also exceedingly aware of my Worry of 3. The most sex I could ever expect in a six month period was 3 times. Then nothing for years. That was my life. So that… sex 3 times in succession… followed by some kind of significant change… triggered a worry in me. A worry I shared with Essen. And again, I wouldn’t want her to do anything with me BECAUSE of some bullshit like that but.... it is/was kind of cold how it went down. I had sex 3 times in 2 months. A record for me (which in itself is sad). And then the months that followed? Sex for Skully, sex for Remus, sex for Victoria, sex for Mentor....... Chris is… well… less said the better, I guess. So… from that perspective… the SnapChat bombardments… even the PB reading and Social Storytelling… can hit me in just the wrong spot. Because God bless Women Empowerment and Sexual Freedoms! But.... forgive me if I’m not.... exactly thrilled… with where I am in all of that these days.

AND LASTLY… though very connected to the previous… as cheesy and over the top as some of what those bots sent me was?! I’ve reached the point in my “drought” where… I would like to hear that… I would like to genuinely receive text messages like that from someone who meant it and was in a position to follow through! I mean… call it immature or juvenile, but even the emotional content of what I’d feel if a woman I was interested in texted me things like
“Want to fuck me?”
“Baby, you need to get here now. I need you.”
“Are you horny? I am!”
“Get up and fuck me. Yes, Dad, give me every last drop of your delicious cum”
“I’m embarrassed by this but I got lost in thought today thinking about tonight and… well… I was wet even just in the car driving home!”
“For tonight’s date, is this more of a jeans place, skirt place, or straight up negligee? I’m good with any or all of the above!”
“Fuck, I want you to eat my pussy tonight!”
“God, I can’t wait for you to cum in me again!!”
“Tonight, how hard would you get if I greeted you by saying: I want to be a good girl for you tonight, sir”
“I know you said you were working late; but come 8:00, I’m starting with or without you.”
(Pictures of even fully dressed but alluring)

Not only has it been far too long… but two additional issues
(1) I anticipate a great deal of hatred for this but… it all, honestly, feels like such an injustice! Breaking my back to give Nancy the life she asked for… repeatedly. Year after year after year. To have the marriage we did?! Only for her to immediately find her libido again after the divorce? AND YES, I understand the dozens of reasons that might be that have nothing to do with me… but that doesn’t actually help me. When it comes to my marriage, me, and sex? It feels like a marathon. And I kept saying, “I agreed to be in it for the long haul, we’re going to keep running” but Nancy was on my back and was supposed to be giving me water. But, except for a few times, she never gave me water so it got harder and harder to reach the finish line. As soon as I stop and take a breath, tell her WATER or YOU running me on your back… she found another runner in better shape and just drenched that fucker in water. Where’s the justice? SPECIFICALLY all of the Post-Divorce Therapists kept saying that my marriage was a GOOD SIGN because it meant I could be loyal, dedicated, supporting, and loving. Three years later, that hasn’t exactly been a winning combination for a guy just re-entering the dating circuit in THIS environment! And genuinely, genuinely to the highest heavens and the hoariest catacombs… what I had with Essen was NOT transactional!! But the justice vibe does kind of pop up. HOW MUCH she relied on me, my connections, my place, my free babysitting, etcetera.... only to completely get over whatever she may or may not have felt for me THE INSTANT Chuckers moved out of the house?? I’m just saying… in relationships and sexually? I’m just… I feel like there’s a lot of injustice there!!
(2) It does impact my self-worth and self-esteem. I know it shouldn’t. I’m academically aware enough to know that “I’m beautiful, no matter what they say or do.” Fine. Great. Wonderful. I’m sure that is a universal truth and that my value has nothing to do with anything external. Except… y’know… for all the obvious ways that’s ridiculous.
An old, corrupt bastard of a Senator is banging interns. Maybe he’s not sexy but his power, wealth, and influence are.
A wife-beating meth addict is pounding out his 9th kid. Maybe he’s not physically alluring, but his genetics and the behavior he models to his children will continue to influence lives for generations.
A fraternity Dude Bro jogs around the bar getting High Fives because he just broke his record of 5 chicks in 1 night. He may not be smart or ethical or even kind, but he’s handsome and charismatic so not only is he THE most desired person in town, he’s a future President!
And then there’s Maude Me. I’m not saying I view my self-worth via the prism of sexual conquests. That’s… actually gross when people do that. In fact, perhaps because of my rejection of THAT misperception, I’ve developed a different one. It isn’t “how many chicks can you bang?” It’s how many times you were with THE SAME woman. How much pleasure did you bring your partner? How much pleasure did she bring you? And… dramatic prose, I guess but… I kind of fail hardcore there. Or something about me does. Because I was able to bring my wife to orgasm. And then she’d be done with me. For years at a time. I was able to bring Victoria to multiple orgasms every time.... I was able to bring Essen to multiple orgasms every time..... and here I sit. Not only just… “it’s been a long time since I’ve had even a little sex” (over two years), I’m in the “It’s been a long time since someone brought me to orgasm” (over three years).
And before we race to platitudes or judgment? The science is.... on my side. Tragically. At least… WHAT DRAWS WOMEN TO A MAN? The average answer, the most common, the media answer is CONFIDENCE. And I lived that. Remember when Victoria said she was totally done with me? But then after seeing my confidence EXPLODE with Essen, Victoria mentioned that she would want to hook up again sometime maybe.... until things with Essen exploded and then Victoria was more like “never talk to me again.” Confidence is the perpetual motion machine. When you have what you want, you are confident that you can get it- you are confident that you have it… and you get more. When you don’t have what you want, you aren’t confident that you can get it- you recognize it’s absence… and so you (apparently) can’t get it… because you need confidence to get it. AND I already hear you. FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT, CHRIS! Uh… that’s literally my life. Litigation Attorney. Actor. I pretend I’ve got shit under control as my default. It… uh… doesn’t do much good.

So yeah. The most action I’ve had in years… the closest to a “real confidence boost” is bots on Snapchat. So… enjoy that depressing milestone, won’t you?

Last updated March 31, 2023