Child Support Letter. in Since OD is shutting down....

So yesterday was a pretty stressful day. I was definitely starting to run out of patience because I’ve been around my kid quite a bit lately because she’s been suspended twice and her behavior has been terrible. I lost my shit early afternoon and that had no affect. Then she was complaining that her ears were hurting again so I made her an appointment where her Dad came with. We took him him to work and then came home and made dinner where she ate because I have stopped buying chips and junk snacks.

I gave her medicine and her bath where she was then laying down and I get a message stating he got a letter at work about child support. He mentioned me stopping it and just ‘letting him be responsible’ and it’s like okay yeah you’ve shown to be super responsible this whole time and you’ve made 1 payment in the past 2 fucking years?! I didn’t respond because even if I were to explain the logistics of it, he would just feel attacked things would go downhill because he wouldn’t get his way.

His degree of selfishness is absolutely astounding. He doesn’t understand that she’s on state insurance because he doesn’t carry health insurance for her so if I were to go stop CS, I would be responsible for her medical bills. He’s left me holding the bag on every aspect of OUR child from the day I found out I was pregnant and I refuse to give him more of a free pass then he’s already received this whole time. I can’t even deal with how he looks at all of this because his main concern is himself. There’s no regard for me or how him not being involved physically or financially has affected our lives.

I am truly sickened by him just looking out for himself and I am just so glad that I didn’t respond. He messaged this morning saying how he had just gotten home. I know he was waiting for me to ask where he was because he wants to feel like I care and so an argument can start and then he doesn’t have to worry about spending time and money on his child tomorrow, like he promised her. I didn’t respond. I’ve gotten into this new thing with him where I bite my tongue and I don’t answer unless it’s about him seeing his child or making plans. He knows she’s at school so there’s no reason for me to engage in conversation. I don’t want to talk to him any more than I have to because then I risk things going downhill and then my kid is the one that’s going to suffer for it.

It’s annoying how he didn’t ask her how she was doing when he was there with us yesterday when we found out she had a double ear infection. I don’t think he even told her to have a good day at school either. He’s just not as thoughtful as he could be but I can’t change it so I don’t say anything. I find it to be bullshit that he’s STILL trying to create some kind of conflict with me but I’m glad that I have figured out the game and I just won’t play. I’ve wasted years letting him get to me and it’s impossible to try and stay civil for the sake of my kid while I let this person get under my skin so that’s why I don’t allow it anymore.

We’ve spent years trying to hurt and make each other jealous and I just refuse to engage it that anymore. I’ve learned to maintain a really safe distance because if I don’t, my daughter isn’t going to have her Dad in her life. I feel like as long as he’s doing his part as a Dad and making his presence known in her life, there’s nothing for me to care about. He’s a game playing creep that’s doing this to plenty of other women and will NEVER FUCKING stop because he doesn’t know how to. I’m going to sit back and watch him do it to other women and that’s why none of them stick around.

I have been doing a really good job at keeping my contact with him at the bare minimum because I don’t want him to imped on my day and my time. I also want to make sure that the conversation doesn’t get either sexual or him trying to start a fight. It’s just so much better for my daughter that I learn my triggers and know how to engage and disengage with him. I don’t want to have to tell her that he pissed me off so she can’t see him. I have no doubt that he was trying to trigger me so then he wouldn’t have to see her. He’s just a fucking freak and I’m so sorry that this is her Dad. I just wish he could fucking grow up and learn some maturity already because this shit is so fucking old.