Please tell me what to do. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I was starting to feel anxious yesterday and couldn’t explain why and then I got the call that I need to go pick up my daughter from school. Her behavior started early last week, long before she even saw her Dad and she was suspended last Friday until this week and returned on Wednesday. I had to pick her up early on both Thursday and yesterday. She can’t go back until Tuesday so other than her big sister coming to get her in a few minutes, I don’t know what we are going to do. It’s very dark, windy, and rainy outside so it’s not like we can go to the park.

I let her Dad know that I had to get her early for hitting and kicking her teacher where he responds with, “omg” and nothing else. It must be nice to not have any of the parental concerns and still plan to breeze in and out when you feel like it. I really haven’t heard from since they hung out the other night and once again, it was only because he had that girl around because otherwise he doesn’t care about seeing her.

I’m trying really hard to be patient and understanding with everything but having the weight of the world on my shoulders for 6 years now is really dragging me down. I seriously feel almost suicidal and wish I had friends. I’m really sad and just so ready for things to change. I don’t know what the fuck we are going to do until Tuesday and then once school is out, there’s going to be nothing to do for a month. I’m getting really stressed out and sick of getting to worry about all of this by myself. There should be another person to be around to help but there isn’t and never will be. I just don’t know how long I’m going to be able to try and handle everything by myself.

I really haven’t heard from my Mom since telling her that my daughter was going with her Dad for a few minutes. They had mentioned bringing some money by yesterday but now that he’s in the mix they didn’t. I also love how everyone acts like I need to always be on the outs with someone unless I’m going to have consequences. Even if he sees her, it’s never consistent and never will be so I don’t understand what the big deal is.

My biggest thing is getting my back issues taken care of so I can work but every time I turn around, there’s no childcare again. I really worry that I’ll never work again because there’s no one to help with my kid outside of school. There’s only so much one person can do by themselves but no one seems to get that.