here i go again on my own/i don't know if i've been changed for the better but because i knew you in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

Ya know, I'm not a big white snake fan.

I think. that people do come into our lives for a reason. and some stay and some don't. some, of their own accord and some not. some die and that's how they leave. we don't always know the reason and a lot of times it's the same reason for 2 or more people.

I've thought of this before. i'd just. never admitted it until now. um. ya know like w/ evan. you know w/ all this fighting and his being upset we're. not that I want to say it but. we're starting to drift apart. due to lack of compassion. well his, lack of compassion. ya know cause whenever he knows I don't feel good he's not like 'I hope you feel better' like I am whenever he doesn't feel good. it's like I put in 10% more than he does. i need him to tell me that if he were here he'd be doing w/e he could to help. I need him to tell me what he wants from me. I once asked him if it would help if I told him what would help me [and I don't want that answer from someone else i want it from him] and he. still hasn't gotten back to me on that. he doesn't even if I text him and go 'please get back to me on this'. he still hasn't given me his mom's # even though I've reminded him several times. yeah if you don't verbalise those things to me then I don't know whether or not you care. is that too much to ask? no really is it?

ok but back to my point. yeah if we don't talk for awhile i'll be sad. [I also want to know how long it'll be that we won't be talking for. which he also hasn't told me. see apparently if he doesn't make decisions i'll make them for him. cause I get tired of waiting]. I'm not angry. w/ the situation i'm angry w/ him. and hurt. maybe the universe is trying to tell me something. well it is I just won't listen.

but, ya know. maybe. that was why he came into my life. to be there the night I was dying. maybe that was the main part of it. well it was when I look back upon it. and that's the reason he came into my life. and also to be there for me right after Pat died. we really needed each other then.