08/03 in --

I saw family I hadn't seen in two years today and I met my biological grandma for the first time. it was nice. I like that we have had family around so much lately, but I know everything will settle again soon and then I will hardly see anyone. I would rather have people around more often.

I used to be a hermit but now I always feel like I need human interaction or I don't know what to do with myself. sometimes if I am alone somewhere (although it hardly ever happens) I have a faint hope that someone might strike up a conversation with me. I don't do that with people myself, however. so why should I expect it from some stranger?

The only people who start conversations with me are old ladies while shopping at Target. Either compliments for my son (because, well, he is a damn cute kid) or when I was pregnant, asking me if I was having a girl (strangers care more about the sex of my kids than I do). I don't mind these conversations. I even welcome them. although I have had a few awkward questions ("what does the dad think?" while glancing down at my very pregnant belly at the time, or "are you a single mom?" from when I did not yet wear a ring).

I fascinate old ladies. maybe I remind them of themselves at one point in their lives. I suppose someday it will remind me too. but the thought of being so much older makes me uncomfortable. I wish that it didn't.

I hope that when I start my methods classes for my education degree next year that I will make some friends there... but I don't know if I will. I can't seem to make lasting relationships with anyone other than Jacob. I adore him.

Jacob calls me gorgeous and he hates that word, and I had a baby less than two weeks ago. How did that happen to me?

Life is a weird place.